The First to Graduate

Today, I got to see my oldest niece graduate from high school. She was my parent's first grandchild and so this is why the post is titled the way it is. I am very proud of her. She got a full ride scholarship to ASU and will start in the fall. In the graduation, the principal said that Sunnyslope's Seniors this year set a school record for the amount of money earned in scholarships at over 8 million dollars!

Here she is! Getting ready to head in to get in line. She looks so excited!

This is her boyfriend Zachary.

And here he is again. He really doesn't smile much but he's a nice kid.

Half of the green and white caps after they filed in.

So, funny story about this picture. I was sitting on the opposite side from Heidi and so when her group of graduates stood up, I raced over to the other side and sat on my knees in the aisle and waited for her to get up to receive her diploma. Well as they called her name, the next line of graduates got up and were walking across the aisle...Punks! So all I got were some blurry, senior-ridden pictures of her getting her diploma...Oh well!

And this is her, going back to her seat...my flash was off! GRRRR!!!

Then they all went outside to get their actual diploma and wait for their families to meet up with them. Here she is waiting for us to find her.

Family picture time! Heidi with Tallynna and Brianna.

Heidi and Zachary

HUGS!!!

Heidi and Grandma and Grandpa

Alicia, Heidi, Charlie, Lauri, and Adam is in the front.

Sisters being silly!

I made her put her diploma into the cover they gave her...

...And then hold it up

Missy Grace

Laila Graciela Duckworth

Born May 25th at 12:51am

6lbs 9oz and 18.5 inches long

I happened to be on Facebook and saw that Nichole was gonna be heading to the hospital Monday. So I sent her a text message to let her know to keep me updated and that I would be at the hospital with her. So she texted me later in the evening to say that they had started the pitocin to induce her. I told her I had to handle the kids and then I would be on my way. I got there around 10:15pm. Joe, Kika, Teresa, and Loyiel were there in the waiting room while Nichole was getting an epidural. When I got in the room to see her this is what she looked like:

The epidural was good!

Here was Loyiel's perch for the night...

Until Kika said, "Shove a bunn!"

Then "The Doctor" came in. I said, "I'm gonna guess you're a doctor!"

The doctor said it was time! We're ready to have a baby! (Nichole is anyway) Loyiel held Nichole's shaking hand.

Two pushes later, we have a Laila! Here she is a few seconds old.

Hi MAMA!!!

What are all these lights and why is it SO cold?!?

On the scale

Laying in the fetal position with her butt in the air...I thought it was cute.

Mommy, Daddy & Laila

Well hello Daddy! I'm gonna have you wrapped up just like you have me right now...

Me with Laila.

The birthing team! YAY TEAM!!

So all in all, this one was pretty easy for Nichole. I am grateful that I was able to be there for Laila's birth! I just love her!!

All the pregnancies in the family have resulted in healthy babies and mommies! All 4 of them!

Strugglin

5 months ago today, my mother in law died. For me, it has been tough to deal with but not so much because of my connection with her but because of the connection between her and my husband. Around him, I have been walking on eggshells for at least the last month or so making sure I don't upset him but was unsuccessful at that the other night when I didn't answer my phone when he called. My ringer was still off from work. I didn't do it on purpose. I said I was sorry. Not good enough. So long story short, I have been very worried about him and it sucks. Some things that have been going through my head are:

• How do I help him when I don't really know what's wrong?
• How can I make it easier?
• How would I really handle it if he did something drastic to himself or me or our kids?
• How come I don't have more sympathy to it rather than just wanting to help him get through it?
• I miss my husband and want him to come back.

I will just hang in there cause I don't really know what is going on and I can't be making decisions when I don't have all the details. I just have to be strong and take care of our kids and be patient.

2 Months

Ramon is 2 months old today!! Time goes by so quickly when you get back into the daily grind of things. These are the only 2 pictures I took of him today...

• Ramon smiles when you talk to him now and he babbles back.
• He is wearing mostly 3 month old clothes but can still get into 0-3 month clothes.
• He eats about 7 ounces at each feeding and is sleeping 8 hours. Goes to bed around 9pm and wakes up around 5am.
• He follows you around with his eyes.
• AND THEY ARE STILL BLUE!!

The other kids have adjusted very well to him. Juanito will usually leave me alone with Ramon if I am feeding him. That's not to say he's left me alone and is being good...He's usually getting into something or playing "washy hands" in the bathroom. The girls are just like little mamas with him and are, most times, willing to hold him while I make a bottle or dinner.

He has been a wonderful addition to our family and I am extra happy that our family is complete!

I Wish

I wish I was a little bit taller, I wish I was a baller, I wish I had a girl who looked good I would call her. I wish I had a rabbit in a hat with a bat and a 64 Impala! Haha! I had to start this one off funny to fill some buckets before I (possibly) empty some.

My feelings are hurt right now so stop reading now if you don't want to hear it.

I wish my husband would take more pictures with me.

I wish I didn't blame myself for everything. I know now that's a conscious choice.

I wish Juan still had his mom to talk to. He is completely different without her.

I wish my kids could spend more time with their Grandparents.

I wish I didn't sacrifice so much so everyone else is happy before I am.

I wish I could be more selfish when it comes to sleeping.

I should have sold the gun instead of throwing it in the canal.

I wish I could hang out with Juan AND his friends. I guess I'm not fun enough. Seems like I'm just his wife now and not his friend.

I wish I didn't know how to do things like maintain the pool, use a screwdriver, and call the plumber.

I wish I could manage my finances better and also that I didn't have to manage the finances.

I wish I could be like all the other wives.

I wish Juan would comment on my Facebook posts. (Seems silly but it matters to me) I also wish he would read my blog. If he does, he hides it really well or it shows how much we talk about anything other than the kids.

These are all things I'm sure people love about me but sometimes I get so tired of doing everything and being there for people. I feel like I'm being used right now. Like I always say though, I taught people to treat me this way by allowing it.

K, I'm over it. I wish I was a little bit taller y'all....

Motherhood

This is the most complete description of what it feels like for me to be a mother to my 4 beautiful children. I have dealt with things as simple as a bump on the head to broken arms to "Mom, why didn't my real parents want me?" and beyond with my children. I love them more than words can ever express and I would do absolutely anything to make sure they are safe and happy kids. You see, to me, Mother's Day isn't about me at all. For without them, I wouldn't be celebrating Mother's Day for me. I am truly thankful that God thought me worthy to have my children and also grateful that He didn't need them before I had the chance to raise them. I have known many people that have been called to help God in this way and I don't know that I would be strong enough for that.

This sums it up for me...

Before I was a Mom, I slept as late as I wanted and never worried about how late I got into bed. I brushed my hair and my teeth everyday.
Before I was a Mom, I cleaned my house each day. I never tripped over toys or forgot words to a lullaby. I didn't worry whether or not my plants were poisonous. I never thought about immunizations.
Before I was a Mom, I had never been puked on, pooped on, spit on, chewed on, or peed on. I had complete control of my mind and my thoughts. I slept all night.
Before I was a Mom, I never held down a screaming child so that doctors could do tests...or give shots. I never looked into teary eyes and cried. I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin. I never sat up late hours at night watching a baby sleep.
Before I was a Mom, I never held a sleeping baby just because I didn't want to put it down. I never felt my heart break into a million pieces when I couldn't stop the hurt. I never knew that something so small could affect my life so much. I never knew that I could love someone so much. I never knew I would love being a Mom.
Before I was a Mom, I didn't know the feeling of having my heart outside my body. I didn't know how special it could feel to feed a hungry baby. I didn't know that bond between a mother and her child. I didn't know that something so small could make me feel so important.
Before I was a Mom, I had never gotten up in the middle of the night every 10 minutes to make sure all was okay. I had never known the warmth, the joy, the love, the heartache, the wonderment or the satisfaction of being a Mom. I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much before I was a Mom.

This is a link to a Kelly Clarkson song that makes me think about my kids even though she didn't write it for a mother/child love. Enjoy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Lzx_B6GcIw

Mom

A few things about my mom. I love her more than she knows. She's an inspiration. She's caring; so much so that I think she would just about let anyone in that needed a glass of water or something to eat. The only reason she doesn't do this now is because my dad doesn't let her. So I picked out a few pictures that either had her in them or reminded me of her.

She really isn't supposed to be lifting my 35lb (at the time) son but she did just so he could get the Easter egg that was hanging in the blind pull string.

Here she is again, holding my son. She doesn't care that it could hurt her physically because it's what he wanted. She puts everyone in front of herself.

I think I got my love of taking pictures of the clouds from her.

These are her kitties. They are almost a year old now but when they were first born, they were inseparable. They are still this way today. This is Clarkie and Miss Stacha (kinda like mustache).

Here she is climbing the stairs at the Shrine of St. Joseph last year on Mother's Day. She shouldn't be climbing stairs either but you know....

I love flowers! Can't grow them to save my life but I remember as a kid, going out and pruning my mom's Petunias in the garden. She loves flowers too.

She is SOO creative! Next to making cakes for all the kids' birthday parties, she always does these little crafts for them. These are their Easter eggs.

This was Mother's Day last year again. She loves every single one of her grandkids!

My mom and I have a lot in common. She is compassionate, trusting, forgiving, strong and most importantly, the BEST MOM in the whole world!! I don't care if everyone else thinks I am biased...she is!