My Day

Ahhh, Mother's Day, My Day, Mom's Day, Mama's Day, or whatever you call it. Mine was fabulous and here's the story:

Saturday afternoon, Juan calls me into the living room and says, "Sit down, I need to talk to you." This caught me off guard because this is usually a statement that I make to him, he rolls his eyes wondering, "What did I do this time?!" and then we talk. So I sit down, ready for him to break the news to me (whatever he had to talk to me about) and he tells me, "I feel like a flake. I didn't do anything for you for Mother's Day. I don't have a gift or a card or anything for you." I was totally ok with that and I told him that it was fine. It's not about gifts or things like that, it is about recognizing all that moms do and sacrifice when they become moms. He went on to say that he was thinking of going to church on Sunday and then taking off after that and driving up to Prescott to have lunch at this little spot called Zeke's Eatin' Place. They have this turkey sandwich there that is to die for! It has turkey, bacon, green chiles, and pepperjack cheese on a cheesy toasted bread. Anyway, of course, I said it was a great idea. Then, I told him we should invite our parents to go with us. So he called our parents and they said it was a great idea too! 

Sunday morning came and I was SOOOOO excited! I could hardly wait to get there and have my favorite turkey sandwich. We even invited Michelle and Jr and their kids to come with us. They couldn't go unfortunately. I got ready for church and got the kids ready and we went to church. After church, Juan called his mom and she said she wasn't feeling well and they weren't gonna go. That kinda sucked because it would have been fun with them there too. So, I told my dad after church, "I was thinking last night that you and mom can take my car up since the truck doesn't have air conditioning right now." He said that he had planned on driving the car since it has a little bit of air and that he would run with the windows down...blah blah blah...He had a plan as usual and this time I threw a stick in his spokes, so to speak. He asked my mom if she wanted to take my car and as they always have done since I was a kid, they got into this "doesn't matter to me, well it doesn't matter to me...." thing. So I said, "My air is better, you will be more comfortable." And they took my car. We got on the road around noon. Here are some of the pictures I took while we were out. 

This is the place! As you can see, it's a very old country type of diner feel. It has old tools, cow heads, pictures of John Wayne, and other stuff on the walls and shelves. 

This was the cup holder in the truck just before we left. Juan said, "Look, more bars." LOL!

This is my mom with my son. This was actually after we got done eating...It's in the wrong order, but oh well!

The toy that they gave the kids for their wait were these little wax sticks that you can shape into whatever you want. Kinda like bend-a-roos.) They had lots of fun with them. They made glasses, people, and hearts with arrows through them. They were fun!

This is Brianna sporting her new glasses!

Here is Tallynna with her heart on a stick. She was proud of herself that she could make it stand up on it's own. 

Grandma and her grandkids, or at least 2 of them. You can see the heart on her shirt that one of the girls made. They look SO much like her!

We got there an hour before closing time so it was about 2pm that they started cleaning up. This girl had a vacuum on her back. Juan said, "Hey look baby! You need one of those!" Needless to say, he got smacked! Punk!

But I love him!

We had just left Zeke's and I was looking for things to shoot pictures of...

And there I was in the mirror. I couldn't resist.

When we left Phoenix, we went up the I-17. When we left Prescott, we went down the 89. It's the curvy, back-way, back to Phoenix through Wickenburg. I was going to drive but I decided that I wanted to be the passenger in case there was anything I wanted to take pictures of. I haven't quite learned how to drive, text, and take pictures all while drinking a bottle of water yet.

Coming down the winding road was fun. Dad smoked us on the way down...Juan is and always will be a cruiser. We got into this little town called Yarnell and we stopped at this beautiful place called the Shrine of St. Joseph. It was very quiet and had trees everywhere with these gigantic rocks. There is a register and a donation slot when you first go in and then an informational plaque that tells you all about the Shrine and how it is maintained entirely by volunteers. The following are only some of the pictures I took while I was there. This was one of the prettiest places I have been.

This is the Last Supper. Jesus is there with the bread, getting ready to tell his disciples to take the bread in remembrance of Him as this is His body that will be given up for us. 

I saw this one first and I was amazed at how beautiful it was.

This is a statue of St. Joseph. It is actually the first one you see when you get into the gates. 

This is Jesus praying. This is just a picture of the front half of the statue. He is on His knees and it is a full statue.

As you walk up the steps, it takes you through the 14 stations of the cross. They are all placed in different elevations and you have to walk up steps and wind through them. Each one is a cross and they have a ceramic sculpture right in the middle and then a plaque explaining the station and what happened to Jesus in the last few days of his life.

As you get closer to the end, there is a small sign that looks like a rock with the word "Crucifixion" chiseled out of it and it points you in a direction. After a series of steps, you get to this. It is absolutely breath-taking! It really puts the word sacrifice into perspective. It is life sized and raised up and hidden away behind the trees. I was just speechless when I came to this. I have seen a lot of renditions of Jesus on the cross, but for some reason this one really drove it home. It was amazing!

I noticed that this is the only one of these that you can't just pass. You HAVE to come back down the steps from it.

Then you turn to come back down the steps. This is the next image you see. This is Mary holding her son after he was taken down from the cross. This one spoke volumes to me especially on this day. I read something on Mother's Day morning about a mom's sacrifice for her children. We put aside our own goals and wants for the better of our children. We work our hardest to make sure our children have it better than we did. We get our feelings hurt by the words and actions of our children and yet still love them unconditionally. They could have lied to us, used us, robbed our home until it was completely empty, and done everything short of killing us and they are still our babies. We love them. We give up our sleep to make sure they are sleeping, we make sure they eat before us so they have enough, we may work 2 jobs to make sure they have a roof over their heads. We love them. In this image, I see a mom that gave the ultimate sacrifice, not for her own good, nor the good of her son but for the good of all mankind. Honestly, I don't know if I would ever be willing or have the strength to sacrifice that much.

So that was that. It was a nice time to reflect and see some beautiful renditions of the sacrifice He made for us. 

When we were done, I told my mom that I wish she could have gone up there. My pictures are good but they don't do it justice. I will be sending her my pictures so she can see them at least. Juan had the girls with him and he read each of the stations to them. They go to church with us but they don't always get to ask questions right on the spot, so it was good for them as well. 

This is a little pond right out in the front that has fish and lily pads in it. They kids were very interested in the fish. Juanito was putting his hand in the water and tasting it. EWW!

On our way back, we stopped at his mom's house since they weren't able to go. She had just woke up. We stayed there for a little while, ate some ice pops with my nieces and nephew and then headed home.

That was my Mother's Day. I couldn't have had anything better! 

Since the pool isn't ready just yet...

Today, when I woke up, the pool wasn't clear yet. The girls and I went to the pool store to have the water checked again. I have to add more chemicals so.........no swimming today. 

BUMMER!!

When we got home, the girls asked if they could go outside and play in the water. I agreed and they even took their brother out with them. While they were out there, I was hiding out in the living room snapping photos of them. Here they are. Enjoy!

Brianna was, of course, in charge of the hose

Tallynna was showing Juanito he could splash in the base of the basketball hoop.

Juanito figured it out. 

He found me! And of course he said, "Cheeeeze!"

Brianna decided that he needed to be in his little car...

So she put him in there.

He wasn't having that!

He took off after an orange he found. He was so cold, he was shivering. But he still stopped to say, "Cheeeeeeze!" If you look close enough, you can see his blue lips.

Today, like back in the old days, Tonka Truck = Bathtub.

Mom discovered that Cheese balls miraculously cure the shivers.

And........................IT'S GONE!

And.....................It was yummy too!

Just a wife

For a long time, I'm talking about YEARS, I have been trying to figure out why my husband (and boyfriend when he was that) doesn't invite me to go anywhere with him. He goes to his friends' houses to watch boxing, I LOVE BOXING, and he doesn't even think to say, "Hey you wanna go?" He goes to the park to play basketball and he doesn't even ask if I want to go and maybe play with the kids. He goes out to the bar or club and doesn't ask me if I want to go. Instead, the question is always, "You mind if I go?" I'm not his mom and so I always say it's fine for him to go and I am not one of those bitchy, fucked up women that doesn't trust him or wants to know his every move. So he goes. I don't call or text while he is out. I don't bug him at all, even when it's 4:30AM and he's still not home. I know he is out there getting drunk and high. 

And believe me when I say that I have told him how I feel about this. And not once has he EVER said , "You know, I'm gonna stay home instead." The way I would hear that sentence would be, "You and our children are more important than getting drunk, smoking weed and hanging with the boys."

It has been like this since before we even had children so he can't use the babysitter excuse even though he likes to.  

So last night, there was a gathering at my bosses house. There was a large number of people there that I work with. We were invited and she even let me get off early to be able to go. Juan got home with the kids at a little after 3. He wanted to take a nap even though he said the baby needed the nap. So he slept until 5pm and the party started at 4pm. So we went. We were 2 and a half hours late. Her house isn't a huge house or with a huge yard, but there were a LOT of people there. The first comment that came out of Juan's mouth was, "Too many white people in one spot. This isn't my kind of party. These aren't my type of people." I told him that maybe if he would interact with some of them, he might like them. He chose not to. 

There was a boxing match on pay-per-view last night too. He told me that he wasn't going to the gathering if they weren't having the fight. So I asked her if they were going to have it and she said they were. So, for most of the night, Juan followed the baby around. For the entire time we were there and up until we went to bed, he was on his phone texting his friends. He did interact with a few of the people there but I'm sure that was because he was bored. At around 7:30 he told me he was going to the bar to watch the fight if they didn't put it on soon. So, I asked my boss if they had ordered it and she had her husband come out and put it on. For the next hour, he was in front of the TV that was outside. I was sitting with some of the people that worked with me and I had the baby. Then when those people left for the night, I was sitting all by myself with my son, still able to see Pacquiao beat up Hatton. He was now sitting inside. Why couldn't he sit with me?

The fight was over in the 2nd round. He came out and finally sat next to me. He was there for maybe 10 minutes. Then we decided to leave since the baby was asleep. So, he grabbed the baby and took him to the truck. I went to get the girls and have them tell Tammy and Jason bye. Juan came back in and told them bye and we left. While we were driving, I told Juan that Jason had stopped me and we were formally introduced. He immediately said, "I didn't like that guy, he kept giving me dirty looks. He must have thought I was just another Mexican in his house." I asked him if he bothered to introduce himself and he said, "Nope. I didn't want to introduce myself to him." So I apologized for even bringing him. I told him it would never happen again. I felt so stupid and worthless because I can't bring him anywhere he will have fun. He doesn't like to go to my parents house, he probably doesn't even want to go to church on Sundays. 

So, last night I figured it out. I used to call Juan my best friend and I could talk to him about everything. Now, Stacey is my best friend and I don't talk to Juan about anything that isn't about the kids and even then, it isn't everything about them. When I come home from work and he asks about my day, he doesn't really want to know about it, he's just trying to be nice. 

He sat there last night, having conversations with his friends and I was right there. I am not his friend, I guess. He text messages Tina more than he even speaks with me. He always told me that I would never be happy. Maybe I should have listened and not gone through with the wedding. I am not happy. 

I am just his wife and no longer his friend. 

I do everything with the exception of getting the kids ready to go in the morning and taking out the trash. I work. I cook dinner. I bathe the baby. I clean. I pay the bills. I work on the pool. I take care of the house. It's all me. And some women are ok with that. I'm not. 

I wanted a partner to live life with and instead I have a husband. 

Maybe I am just in a bad mood, but it seems to be the same thing over and over again. So I am stuck, not sure knowing what to do.