Just a wife

For a long time, I'm talking about YEARS, I have been trying to figure out why my husband (and boyfriend when he was that) doesn't invite me to go anywhere with him. He goes to his friends' houses to watch boxing, I LOVE BOXING, and he doesn't even think to say, "Hey you wanna go?" He goes to the park to play basketball and he doesn't even ask if I want to go and maybe play with the kids. He goes out to the bar or club and doesn't ask me if I want to go. Instead, the question is always, "You mind if I go?" I'm not his mom and so I always say it's fine for him to go and I am not one of those bitchy, fucked up women that doesn't trust him or wants to know his every move. So he goes. I don't call or text while he is out. I don't bug him at all, even when it's 4:30AM and he's still not home. I know he is out there getting drunk and high. 

And believe me when I say that I have told him how I feel about this. And not once has he EVER said , "You know, I'm gonna stay home instead." The way I would hear that sentence would be, "You and our children are more important than getting drunk, smoking weed and hanging with the boys."

It has been like this since before we even had children so he can't use the babysitter excuse even though he likes to.  

So last night, there was a gathering at my bosses house. There was a large number of people there that I work with. We were invited and she even let me get off early to be able to go. Juan got home with the kids at a little after 3. He wanted to take a nap even though he said the baby needed the nap. So he slept until 5pm and the party started at 4pm. So we went. We were 2 and a half hours late. Her house isn't a huge house or with a huge yard, but there were a LOT of people there. The first comment that came out of Juan's mouth was, "Too many white people in one spot. This isn't my kind of party. These aren't my type of people." I told him that maybe if he would interact with some of them, he might like them. He chose not to. 

There was a boxing match on pay-per-view last night too. He told me that he wasn't going to the gathering if they weren't having the fight. So I asked her if they were going to have it and she said they were. So, for most of the night, Juan followed the baby around. For the entire time we were there and up until we went to bed, he was on his phone texting his friends. He did interact with a few of the people there but I'm sure that was because he was bored. At around 7:30 he told me he was going to the bar to watch the fight if they didn't put it on soon. So, I asked my boss if they had ordered it and she had her husband come out and put it on. For the next hour, he was in front of the TV that was outside. I was sitting with some of the people that worked with me and I had the baby. Then when those people left for the night, I was sitting all by myself with my son, still able to see Pacquiao beat up Hatton. He was now sitting inside. Why couldn't he sit with me?

The fight was over in the 2nd round. He came out and finally sat next to me. He was there for maybe 10 minutes. Then we decided to leave since the baby was asleep. So, he grabbed the baby and took him to the truck. I went to get the girls and have them tell Tammy and Jason bye. Juan came back in and told them bye and we left. While we were driving, I told Juan that Jason had stopped me and we were formally introduced. He immediately said, "I didn't like that guy, he kept giving me dirty looks. He must have thought I was just another Mexican in his house." I asked him if he bothered to introduce himself and he said, "Nope. I didn't want to introduce myself to him." So I apologized for even bringing him. I told him it would never happen again. I felt so stupid and worthless because I can't bring him anywhere he will have fun. He doesn't like to go to my parents house, he probably doesn't even want to go to church on Sundays. 

So, last night I figured it out. I used to call Juan my best friend and I could talk to him about everything. Now, Stacey is my best friend and I don't talk to Juan about anything that isn't about the kids and even then, it isn't everything about them. When I come home from work and he asks about my day, he doesn't really want to know about it, he's just trying to be nice. 

He sat there last night, having conversations with his friends and I was right there. I am not his friend, I guess. He text messages Tina more than he even speaks with me. He always told me that I would never be happy. Maybe I should have listened and not gone through with the wedding. I am not happy. 

I am just his wife and no longer his friend. 

I do everything with the exception of getting the kids ready to go in the morning and taking out the trash. I work. I cook dinner. I bathe the baby. I clean. I pay the bills. I work on the pool. I take care of the house. It's all me. And some women are ok with that. I'm not. 

I wanted a partner to live life with and instead I have a husband. 

Maybe I am just in a bad mood, but it seems to be the same thing over and over again. So I am stuck, not sure knowing what to do.