Inspirational Thoughts: Learned, Lived, and Taught

Some Reviews

2010-09-27T17:09:00.001-07:00

Here are some reviews of a few products that have done me a little good as a mommy of 4.

First are these Cascade Action Paks with Dawn.

When we purchased our house 2 years ago, we bought a brand new Maytag Stainless Steel dishwasher for our kitchen. I hadn't had a working dishwasher in the house that we had rented for 2 years before that so I was excited to actually have a dishwasher again. Well, it worked fabulously for the first few washes and then it started to put this yucky white film all over my dishes. I tried to run vinegar through it and that didn't work. I changed dish soaps, tried liquid soaps, even washed the dishes before I put them in the dishwasher.....Didn't work....So I stopped using it. It has been about a year since I used it and I just got tired of washing dishes by hand and I was talking with my friend Stacey about it and she said she had the same problem not too long ago. She said she started using these little bad boys and hasn't had any issues with it since changing. So, once again, I ran vinegar through it to clean it out, added some rinse aid and tried again. GUESS WHAT!?! It worked. Now I can use and have been using my dishwasher again. If you have that problem, try these.

Next on the list are these Target brand diapers.

I have almost always used Huggies or Pampers diapers on all my kids because of sensitive skin issues. The few times I tried store brand or less expensive brands, my kids broke out in horrible rashes. So, you can only imagine my skepticism when my brother calls me to tell me about these diapers. He has a 3 year old that is just a few months younger than my 3 year old. So he starts off our conversation with, "What kind of diapers do you use?" Of course, I answer him. I have always been a bit of a diaper snob because of my kids' sensitive skin. So he tells me about these awesome diapers at Target that are only $6 for the same size as a $9 package of Huggies. He tells me that his 3 year old can sleep all night (10 hours or more) without having any leaks and that when the boy does his business (if you know what I mean), they have to check the diaper rather than being able to smell it. So it has this great odor protection. So, he keeps on talking and I keep getting more and more skeptical but I'm still listening. Finally, I tell him I will try them. At that time, Juanito was still wearing a diaper at night and Ramon was maybe 2 months old. Some time passes, I don't get to Target to buy diapers for some reason or another and then I finally get there. They had a pack for $6.19 with the same amount of diapers in it that the Huggies package did for $8.79 (36 diapers). Just to do the math, Target brand $0.17 per diaper and Huggies $0.24 per diaper and they get even cheaper if you get the big box. I think it was like $13.79 for the big box vs $19.99 for Huggies. So I bring these things home and made sure that I still had some Huggies left just in case Ramon broke out in a rash. I didn't change Juanito to these diapers. He wore them overnight the first night and no rash, no leaks, no smells. Then all day the next day. Then the rest of the week. Seriously, I have to check to see if he has done his business in there because I can't smell it...and I have mommy nose!! Definitely recommend these diapers!! And to add to it, they have a cute design.

Last one will be the Walmart brand in baby food. This one will be really quick...

I like this stuff. Juanito ate it and Ramon is now eating it. You get more for your money and when you have boys that eat like mine, you will be happy you went with this. The only downside to these are they don't really make vegetable dishes but rather more fruits and sweet stuff.

Updates! Updates! UPDATES!!

2010-09-01T17:28:00.000-07:00

I haven't blogged in a month!! I have taken TONS of pictures but for some reason my computer says they aren't in the right format so I haven't been able to get them on here...ANYWHO...I wanted to post some updates to this little thing called L-I-F-E.

August 13th was my parents' 34th wedding anniversary. We were hoping and praying that they would be able to receive the Sacrament of Marriage in the church on that day. There was one more signature they needed. They still haven't gotten it yet. Things happen for a reason, I know, but it all but KILLED me to see my mom disappointed and my dad...? That was another story. I haven't seen that side of my dad in a looooooooonnnnnnng time and I hated to see him that way. Gotta trust in God though.

Ramon turned 5 months old on August 19th. IT'S BEEN 5 MONTHS ALREADY???? That is just craziness! He is growing like a weed. He is already 16lbs. He had Croup a few weeks ago and that was kinda funny...He would cry and when he would hear himself, he would look around like, "Hey, who is that crying? Doesn't sound like me..." We got him past that finally and he ended up with a sinus infection too. Poor baby. He's tough though and he smiles through it all. Kids are so incredibly resilient. It's amazing!

August 22nd was my youngest daughter's 9th birthday. I started a blog for this one but didn't get to it. It fell on a Sunday this year and one of her friends was having a birthday party that same day so I let both of my girls go. The party was in Chandler at this jungle gym type of place. I dropped them off at 11am and they didn't get home until 8pm! Her nino was waiting for her from about 5pm until she got home because he brought her this giant cupcake for her day. We have a tradition with our birthdays and that is that the birthday person gets to pick what's for dinner whether that's going out somewhere or me making their favorite. Brianna got home from her friend's house and asked me, "Mom, are we still going out for my birthday dinner?" Um.......yeah, right. NOPE! We promised her dinner another day since she had school the day after her birthday. She had a fun day though. Hopefully, we can manage to have a birthday party for her...

August 23rd was my oldest son's 3rd birthday. He is getting so big and he holds conversations with me now. It's usually about his elephant or milk or his peepee but he holds conversations. I just love him so much. He sounds like Beeker from the Muppets when he talks. We had a birthday party for him on the 28th. I took pictures of that too but I can't get them off my camera. It rained. HARD. For about 10 minutes and then it went away and the kids could swim. My parents made their best cake ever and I can't wait to get pictures up of it. He had a fun day and loves his cars that he got!!

The girls started 4th grade. They are getting old enough for me to leave them at home by themselves. I do it only if I need to go to the store really quick and they do great with it. They call me if they need me and they keep the door locked. Trying to teach them to be responsible is interesting to say the least.

I have been communicating better with my sister lately which is a good thing. She and I did some shitty things to each other and I'm glad we are slowly working toward a better relationship. I miss her. She is my only sister and she was the one that defended me when I was a kid. We traded homework. Nuff said.

I'm sure there's more and I will post my pictures to this or another blog when I can get them onto my laptop.

Have a nice day! M Kay Byeee!

I wish I could have been closer to you...

2010-07-30T18:53:00.000-07:00

7/29/10

I don't know what you believe in but I know what I believe. And anyways, this blog isn't about you, right? Well, here's a long but amazing testament to something I truly believe.

When I was in grade school, I was friends with a girl named Laura Davis. We only went to grade school together. While in junior high and high school, every now and again, I would get a call from Laura. She would say to me, "I was just going through my phone number book and I saw your number and I just thought I would call and see if it was still your number. How are you doing?" Then we would talk for hours about our lives and we were off to continue living until the next random call. It seemed that she would always call when I was mad at the world and hated my parents or something. (When wasn't I upset with them as a teenager?) So life went on and I didn't get any calls from Laura after about Junior year in high school or so. I didn't know what happened with her and quite frankly, I had somewhat forgotten about her.

So we add a little thing called Facebook to the equation. Fast forward 12 or 13 years and here we are. I don't have a lot of my childhood friends on my Facebook because there aren't many that I care to be in contact with. I had lots of acquaintances in school and only 2 really good friends. I get a friend request from one of my high school friends and I accept it and start looking at their friends list. Low and behold, there is Laura Davis! So I didn't even blink before I went to her page and requested her as a friend. She accepted. She had a TON of friends and her display name wasn't Laura Davis, it was Mind's Creation. That just told me she is making a life for herself. We caught up with each other just a little bit on Facebook. Then we had the random comments here and there on our statuses every now and then. She would post a question, I would answer it; I would put up something funny one of my kids did and she would comment. Nothing major.

------>Now I am going to insert another important part of this story: About my Papa. He died about 5 years ago or so. He had some intestinal issues and some other complications along with old age and such. When he died, Juan and I were split up and he didn't go with me to the funeral. One of the times in my life when I needed him the most and he wasn't there. The girls and I went. I had to explain to them what death meant...all by myself. I miss my Papa. So 4 months ago, my son Ramon was born. The entire time I was pregnant I dreamed of my Papa. I smelled him in my car and in the wind when it would blow through. My mom shared with me that these things often happened to her too. Also during that time, we found out that my dad could have a life threatening illness and so my dreams of my Papa helping my dad cross over were more vivid than anything. (My dad is ok, thankfully!) I never put 2 and 2 together because also while I was pregnant, my mother in law also died. She was the first one on my mind when it came to the new baby. How she wouldn't be here to see her new grandbaby born and she wouldn't get to play with him. My sister in law spoke with someone that told her that "Jamma" was already playing with our babies (all 3 of us were pregnant at the same time) and taking great care of them before she sends them to us. That became the belief; the gospel for the 3 of us. When Ramon was born with blue eyes, I knew immediately that my Papa had played with my son and cared for him as well. Sylvia had help. :) No one else in my family has blue eyes. No one in Juan's family has them either.

Ok, back to present day on Facebook... The other night I got on Facebook one last time before I went to bed and I see this as Laura's post:

I really don't like doing this as it is very private. There has been a man here with me all day, who has passed over, asking me to speak with his granddaughter. The gentleman passed of colon cancer or some kind of renal failure, "not to long ago." If you felt drawn to this message please come see me as he says that I have not read for you before, yet. ~smiles~

I was sucked into that like you wouldn't believe. I knew as I read that, it was me. I sent her a message. She's a psychic. Now whether you believe in people having an ability or not, I believe in angels. They come in all sorts of shapes and sizes and with all kinds of different abilities. Call it what you want. A monkey in silk is still a monkey. I told her that I thought it might be me for 3 reasons: Ramon's eyes are blue, my mom has been having a recurring dream over the last few weeks that has to do with her family and dad, and that I had SO many dreams about him when I was pregnant.

So she messaged me the next morning that it was me. My Papa has something he wants to tell me. She said he had been telling jokes about farting to try and get her to find me. He really needed to tell me something. She said that she could do a reading for me for 30 minutes or if I didn't have the time that she could tell me what he wants to say in a message. The problem with that is that I may not understand the message. I agreed to do the full 30 minute reading with her at her office. That will be tomorrow. I can't wait to see what he needs to tell me. I really believe that he had something to do with us getting together. I think he found a means to be able to communicate with me. I'm very anxious because I haven't seen Laura since 6th grade! And of course, my mom has been battling herself about whether she should invite her sister to her wedding in the church. Maybe he can help me to answer that too.

I may or may not finish this post after I have gotten my reading depending on what the message is.

7/30/09

I will not be sharing all the things that she shared with me just because they are personal to me. I will share however that my papa wanted me to know that he acknowledges that he knows now that I felt "snubbed." She said he used that word in particular. He didn't know that I felt that way until I was at the wake for his death and I said to him, "I wish I had been closer to you." She didn't know about me saying that to him and neither did ANYONE else. She also asked me about another day that I had a conversation with them (my grandparents) where I had been asking for some guidance. This was actually at their gravesite on Palm Sunday one year. I went there after church and sat there talking to them for an hour or longer. The message that he really wanted me to have was that he heard me. He hears my prayers and sends angels to me to help me. He sees all the things I do to keep things in order and says I need to relax. She said that he knows that I know when he's around. I do, I smell him. When I told her that, she said that he had a bottle of cologne or something on the counter top in the bathroom. He did. So there was A LOT more but I really don't want to share the rest.

It was a really good experience and it wasn't something I feel was going against my religious beliefs at all. I feel better knowing the things she shared. She did say that my grandparents were standing next to me for the whole reading with their hands on my shoulders talking WAY too fast to her. ~smiles~

I have a few tasks out of all this and I think I am going to try and tap a little further into my own intuition.

Oh and she mentioned Sylvia too and how she and my grandparents are working together to help my family on more levels that we know.

Guest Post from Brianna

2010-07-07T19:06:00.001-07:00

There is an interesting place in California and it is San Diego. It is so interesting because Sea World is in San Diego.There are no other theme parks in San Diego. Also I don't have a favorite. Sea World is so fun.

My trip to San Diego

When we got there it was 3:30.We unpacked our stuff and then we ordered some pizza. Then we went to Coronado island that night.We saw a lot of boats,and people.

Then the next day we went to Sea World.It wasn't that far away from the hotel.We saw Blue Horizons and the Shamu show.Then we left Sea world.The next day we tryed to go to the beach but it was too crowded. Then we went to go visit the other side of the family in Los Angeles.Then we picked Ramon up from Nichole. When we picked him up we went home. When we got home we were all very tired,so we all went to bed that night.It was a good time in San Diego!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Guest Post from Tallynna

2010-06-30T19:18:00.000-07:00

This week im going to sea world on friday. I just cant wait till friday. The way I wait is so tough for me because its a pain in the butt. I dont like the summer so well. But i have to get used to it.

At the time has past i still cant wait to go to sea world.You know a youngh women is so hard. Because yesterday i had to try on 10 pair of shorts but we fond the i fite in. I fite in a size 5-6 in youngh wemen cloths.

By:TALLYNNA

Gonna Try...

2010-06-29T21:30:00.000-07:00

A blogger that I follow did this and maybe it will work for me although I don't think I have quite as many followers as she does buuuuuutttt......

Do you or anyone you know have a Bumbo seat or something similar I can borrow for my son? I don't really even care if it's pink at this point. We just got him a walker thinking that he is tall enough for it but he's not. His feet just dangle but he LOVES LOVES to be sitting up and can't do it on his own.

Let me know.

Thanks!!

We can do stuff

2010-06-23T22:58:00.001-07:00

When I am offered the opportunity to hear the Sr VP and General Manager of my company speak, call me a teacher's pet, but I LOVE to hear this man speak. I am always at the edge of my seat and hanging on to every word he says. He always speaks from his heart and you can always tell when he is passionate about the subject he is presenting.

This past Wednesday, he spoke to us at leadership conference. He told stories and jokes like he always does but he told us a most interesting story about a Native American man named Ernest Evans who served in World War II as a captain of a destroyer ship in the Battle of Leyte Gulf. He spoke of this man's unending positivity and how much he truly lived the cliche of "when life hands you lemons, make lemonade." He would take his situations and make the best of them and be the best at whatever he was doing. Before he became a captain of his own little ship he manned a tugboat that pulled the aircraft carriers into their spaces. He made the best of it and did his best - Always.

He went on to tell us of the story of the day this battle unfolded and how Captain Evans never backed down when rightfully and justifiably they could and they would receive no flack for it. The Japanese were shooting rounds at their little destroyer ship that if just one hit it in the right place, it would sink it. One shot. Captain Evans was out there on the bridge and watching out for what was going on. He got hit, lost some fingers, his clothes were destroyed but did he quit? No way. One shot ended up hitting the motor that helped to steer the ship and some of the crew begged him to turn back and retreat. He refused. Instead, he went down to the manual steering mechanism and began to steer the ship by hand. All while continuing closer into the Japanese's firing line. It began to rain and so the Japanese were unable to see what the little destroyer had behind it. Surely, it wouldn't keep coming their way if it was all by itself. The Japanese were a bit worried and continued to fire their arms. Finally, the ship was hit and it sunk with the captain on board. Doing all he could and doing his absolute best.

So when the Sr VP was talking about this guy, I was amazed that someone could grab my attention when it came to history but he did. So the VP went on to say that we, as leaders, "we can do stuff!" Doesn't necessarily sound like the words that would come out of such a high up leader. BUUUT, he eats in the cafeteria with us and doesn't treat anyone any different than the way he wants to be treated - Like a human being.

He really believes in us as leaders and knows that when it comes down to it, each and every one of us would fight the good fight for the company we work for and we would do our best at it. We work as a team and lead our people well. We aren't afraid to get in the trenches and work right next to our people.

"We can do stuff!"

Please notice I didn't use his name or my company's name in this blog and I would ask that you respect that and not do it either.

Thirty-Four

2010-06-22T17:43:00.001-07:00

No this is not a lucky number...well not for me anyway!

This is a VERY special number for 2 very very important people in my life. If not for them, I would not be here - literally.

I am talking about my parents, Fred & Linda Tims.

The memories I have of them are many but I want to share some that come to mind often and some that are so very vivid and then I will share some news as well.

My parents were never and are still not perfect but man they gave me a clear, beautiful picture of what a marriage should be. They argued very few times in front of us and when it was in front of us, it was usually because of us. They never went to bed at different times and still don't to this day. They took us to lots of places. I was one of very few kids that could say I had been to 25 states before I graduated 8th grade. We went to Washington DC one Christmas. We saw the White House, all the monuments, went into the Washington Monument and watched President George Bush land in the helicopter. We saw the Liberty Bell. I've been to all the Smithsonian Institutes. We drove across the Lake Pontchartrain Causeway which is the longest overwater bridge in the world! I got to see the houses in New Orleans in all their beautiful glory before Hurricane Katrina removed them from anything but pictures. They lived for us. Really. Ask them and they may say something different. But I doubt it.

So what does all this have to do with the number 34? I'm getting there.

I watched my parents devastated when our house was robbed and when things turned up missing. There were so many things that we put them through. And they stuck it out. It worked because they really are best friends. They don't do anything without one another. My dad takes my mom to the store and waits outside for her no matter how long it takes. He makes sure she takes her medicine and that she naps when she needs to. She makes him take his medicine and naps when he needs to.

My parents got married on August 13th, 1976. My Grandma (my dad's mom) and my Grandma and Papa were there. After the ceremony was over and they were signing their marriage certificate, my dad looked up at the judge and asked him if he knew the name of a good lawyer. The judge looked at him and asked, "Why?" My dad said, "Because I want a divorce." And so it began. We have heard about my dad wanting a divorce for as long as I can remember and he loves telling people this story. As you read, it was a Judge and not a Priest that was present.

So my mom was baptized in the Catholic church not too long ago. They want to receive the sacrament of Marriage in the Catholic Church. My dad grew up in the Catholic church and schools and so he's good to go. They were both married before to other people but my dad's marriage was not performed before God so it really doesn't "count." BUUUUUUUUTT.....my mom's marriage was performed in the church. Her ex-husband was baptized in the Mormon church and for some reason or another, Catholics don't see that as being baptized so they should be all good, right?!

NOPE!

They had to go through the Catholic Tribunal and fill out all kinds of paperwork to be able to receive the sacrament of Marriage. They started the paperwork A LONG time ago and they thought that they would have the results back pretty quickly because of the ex's baptism and they would make the deadline to get married on their 34th wedding anniversary. It's getting really close.

Fast forward to a few days ago, my mom got a call from the Tribunal. They told her that they would be sending a form to her ex-husband to have him fill it out. It is a form to ask him if he has been baptized in any other church. If he hasn't, they will anull their marriage. If he has, they will not. If he doesn't return it, they will anull by default. Now, during all this time, my parents have spoken with mom's ex a few times on the phone to let him know they were trying to get this done. He has no problem helping her and has disclosed to her that he was only baptized once in his life and that was at the Mormon church. So, hopefully we will meet the deadline.

The really neat thing about all this is that my parents were married on a Friday the 13th. Their 34th anniversary falls on a Friday the 13th. They have the church reserved and the hall is reserved by someone in the family that day...they will be contacting her to see if they can have it. :)

This is what I was so excited about on Facebook! I can't wait to be able to see my parents, the people that taught me what relationships are about, tie the knot before God and everyone. More importantly, my parents are very happy.

We are truly blessed and we know that when we pray for things, God will give us what we need and will not give us what we cannot handle. God must know how much this means to us as a family and how truly important it is because we are 99% sure it's gonna happen. Of course, there is a slight chance that it won't but we're staying positive!!

SAVE THE DATE:

August 13th, 2010

Fred & Linda Tims Wedding

You didn't tell me how to live. You lived and let me watch you do it.

Tres Meses

2010-06-20T11:22:00.000-07:00

My little man turned 3 months old a few days ago! He has been such an easy baby to take care of. Juanito was probably my easiest but Ramon is a close second. I can't wait until he's in kindergarten...well maybe I can but...

He still sleeps through the night from about 9pm until about 7am. Sometimes it's longer and sometimes it's shorter but definitely through the night.
He eats about 7 ounces still. He has eaten a few 8 ounce bottles but on average it's 7.
He can roll over!! From his back to his tummy.
He smiles ALL the time!
He's a little flirt.
He's wearing a 3-6 month usually but has some 6 month clothes that he fits in.
His next check up with the doctor is at 4 months so we will see how much he weighs and how long he is.

Here are some pictures I took on his 3 month day:

Can you tell he JUST ate?

He's laughing in this one. He laughs when I blow raspberries on his tummy!

MONKIES!! I love monkies!

We can call him LL Ramon!

FEET!! Every one of his monthly updates have a picture of his feet.

Still has BLUE eyes! I have a theory about this...his Papa had blue eyes and so not only was Sylvia playing with him before he came to us, so was his Papa.

He just looks so big to me!

Baby aerobics

The Circus is in town! The Circus is in town!

2010-06-09T09:24:00.000-07:00

I was 5 years old. My parents said we were going on a "Mystery Trip." These were infamous in my house as a kid. I later found out this was just in case the plan fell through and we weren't let down. BUT I digress.....My mom made me wear this ugly blue Navy style dress. I HATED DRESSES!! I threw the biggest fit! So we all got ready and left for our "Mystery Trip" and ended up at the Ringling Bros & Barnum & Bailey Circus. I was AMAZED! We had front row seats and the elephants were larger than life. They stunk and they pooped everywhere but they were awesome! I soon forgot about the dress because.............

They did this thing where they let audience members be part of the show. My brother got to be the Ringmaster and I got to ride on an elephant! It had to be the best day of my life as a kid and I talked about it forEVER!!

So, I am going to take my kids this year so they can be amazed like I was and I found this discount and thought I would share:

DON'T FORGET THE COUPON CODE OF "MOM."

You can use it online, at the box office or over the phone

$44 for 4 tickets is a FANTASTIC price!

The First to Graduate

2010-05-27T19:44:00.000-07:00

Today, I got to see my oldest niece graduate from high school. She was my parent's first grandchild and so this is why the post is titled the way it is. I am very proud of her. She got a full ride scholarship to ASU and will start in the fall. In the graduation, the principal said that Sunnyslope's Seniors this year set a school record for the amount of money earned in scholarships at over 8 million dollars!

Here she is! Getting ready to head in to get in line. She looks so excited!

This is her boyfriend Zachary.

And here he is again. He really doesn't smile much but he's a nice kid.

Half of the green and white caps after they filed in.

So, funny story about this picture. I was sitting on the opposite side from Heidi and so when her group of graduates stood up, I raced over to the other side and sat on my knees in the aisle and waited for her to get up to receive her diploma. Well as they called her name, the next line of graduates got up and were walking across the aisle...Punks! So all I got were some blurry, senior-ridden pictures of her getting her diploma...Oh well!

And this is her, going back to her seat...my flash was off! GRRRR!!!

Then they all went outside to get their actual diploma and wait for their families to meet up with them. Here she is waiting for us to find her.

Family picture time! Heidi with Tallynna and Brianna.

Heidi and Zachary

HUGS!!!

Heidi and Grandma and Grandpa

Alicia, Heidi, Charlie, Lauri, and Adam is in the front.

Sisters being silly!

I made her put her diploma into the cover they gave her...

...And then hold it up

Missy Grace

2010-05-26T05:50:00.001-07:00

Laila Graciela Duckworth

Born May 25th at 12:51am

6lbs 9oz and 18.5 inches long

I happened to be on Facebook and saw that Nichole was gonna be heading to the hospital Monday. So I sent her a text message to let her know to keep me updated and that I would be at the hospital with her. So she texted me later in the evening to say that they had started the pitocin to induce her. I told her I had to handle the kids and then I would be on my way. I got there around 10:15pm. Joe, Kika, Teresa, and Loyiel were there in the waiting room while Nichole was getting an epidural. When I got in the room to see her this is what she looked like:

The epidural was good!

Here was Loyiel's perch for the night...

Until Kika said, "Shove a bunn!"

Then "The Doctor" came in. I said, "I'm gonna guess you're a doctor!"

The doctor said it was time! We're ready to have a baby! (Nichole is anyway) Loyiel held Nichole's shaking hand.

Two pushes later, we have a Laila! Here she is a few seconds old.

Hi MAMA!!!

What are all these lights and why is it SO cold?!?

On the scale

Laying in the fetal position with her butt in the air...I thought it was cute.

Mommy, Daddy & Laila

Well hello Daddy! I'm gonna have you wrapped up just like you have me right now...

Me with Laila.

The birthing team! YAY TEAM!!

So all in all, this one was pretty easy for Nichole. I am grateful that I was able to be there for Laila's birth! I just love her!!

All the pregnancies in the family have resulted in healthy babies and mommies! All 4 of them!

Strugglin

2010-05-22T21:36:00.000-07:00

5 months ago today, my mother in law died. For me, it has been tough to deal with but not so much because of my connection with her but because of the connection between her and my husband. Around him, I have been walking on eggshells for at least the last month or so making sure I don't upset him but was unsuccessful at that the other night when I didn't answer my phone when he called. My ringer was still off from work. I didn't do it on purpose. I said I was sorry. Not good enough. So long story short, I have been very worried about him and it sucks. Some things that have been going through my head are:

How do I help him when I don't really know what's wrong?
How can I make it easier?
How would I really handle it if he did something drastic to himself or me or our kids?
How come I don't have more sympathy to it rather than just wanting to help him get through it?
I miss my husband and want him to come back.

I will just hang in there cause I don't really know what is going on and I can't be making decisions when I don't have all the details. I just have to be strong and take care of our kids and be patient.

2 Months

2010-05-19T17:25:00.000-07:00

Ramon is 2 months old today!! Time goes by so quickly when you get back into the daily grind of things. These are the only 2 pictures I took of him today...

Ramon smiles when you talk to him now and he babbles back.
He is wearing mostly 3 month old clothes but can still get into 0-3 month clothes.
He eats about 7 ounces at each feeding and is sleeping 8 hours. Goes to bed around 9pm and wakes up around 5am.
He follows you around with his eyes.
AND THEY ARE STILL BLUE!!

The other kids have adjusted very well to him. Juanito will usually leave me alone with Ramon if I am feeding him. That's not to say he's left me alone and is being good...He's usually getting into something or playing "washy hands" in the bathroom. The girls are just like little mamas with him and are, most times, willing to hold him while I make a bottle or dinner.

He has been a wonderful addition to our family and I am extra happy that our family is complete!

I Wish

2010-05-15T05:44:00.001-07:00

I wish I was a little bit taller, I wish I was a baller, I wish I had a girl who looked good I would call her. I wish I had a rabbit in a hat with a bat and a 64 Impala! Haha! I had to start this one off funny to fill some buckets before I (possibly) empty some.

My feelings are hurt right now so stop reading now if you don't want to hear it.

I wish my husband would take more pictures with me.

I wish I didn't blame myself for everything. I know now that's a conscious choice.

I wish Juan still had his mom to talk to. He is completely different without her.

I wish my kids could spend more time with their Grandparents.

I wish I didn't sacrifice so much so everyone else is happy before I am.

I wish I could be more selfish when it comes to sleeping.

I should have sold the gun instead of throwing it in the canal.

I wish I could hang out with Juan AND his friends. I guess I'm not fun enough. Seems like I'm just his wife now and not his friend.

I wish I didn't know how to do things like maintain the pool, use a screwdriver, and call the plumber.

I wish I could manage my finances better and also that I didn't have to manage the finances.

I wish I could be like all the other wives.

I wish Juan would comment on my Facebook posts. (Seems silly but it matters to me) I also wish he would read my blog. If he does, he hides it really well or it shows how much we talk about anything other than the kids.

These are all things I'm sure people love about me but sometimes I get so tired of doing everything and being there for people. I feel like I'm being used right now. Like I always say though, I taught people to treat me this way by allowing it.

K, I'm over it. I wish I was a little bit taller y'all....

Motherhood

2010-05-09T17:40:00.000-07:00

This is the most complete description of what it feels like for me to be a mother to my 4 beautiful children. I have dealt with things as simple as a bump on the head to broken arms to "Mom, why didn't my real parents want me?" and beyond with my children. I love them more than words can ever express and I would do absolutely anything to make sure they are safe and happy kids. You see, to me, Mother's Day isn't about me at all. For without them, I wouldn't be celebrating Mother's Day for me. I am truly thankful that God thought me worthy to have my children and also grateful that He didn't need them before I had the chance to raise them. I have known many people that have been called to help God in this way and I don't know that I would be strong enough for that.

This sums it up for me...

Before I was a Mom, I slept as late as I wanted and never worried about how late I got into bed. I brushed my hair and my teeth everyday.
Before I was a Mom, I cleaned my house each day. I never tripped over toys or forgot words to a lullaby. I didn't worry whether or not my plants were poisonous. I never thought about immunizations.
Before I was a Mom, I had never been puked on, pooped on, spit on, chewed on, or peed on. I had complete control of my mind and my thoughts. I slept all night.
Before I was a Mom, I never held down a screaming child so that doctors could do tests...or give shots. I never looked into teary eyes and cried. I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin. I never sat up late hours at night watching a baby sleep.
Before I was a Mom, I never held a sleeping baby just because I didn't want to put it down. I never felt my heart break into a million pieces when I couldn't stop the hurt. I never knew that something so small could affect my life so much. I never knew that I could love someone so much. I never knew I would love being a Mom.
Before I was a Mom, I didn't know the feeling of having my heart outside my body. I didn't know how special it could feel to feed a hungry baby. I didn't know that bond between a mother and her child. I didn't know that something so small could make me feel so important.
Before I was a Mom, I had never gotten up in the middle of the night every 10 minutes to make sure all was okay. I had never known the warmth, the joy, the love, the heartache, the wonderment or the satisfaction of being a Mom. I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much before I was a Mom.

This is a link to a Kelly Clarkson song that makes me think about my kids even though she didn't write it for a mother/child love. Enjoy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Lzx_B6GcIw

Mom

2010-05-09T00:52:00.001-07:00

A few things about my mom. I love her more than she knows. She's an inspiration. She's caring; so much so that I think she would just about let anyone in that needed a glass of water or something to eat. The only reason she doesn't do this now is because my dad doesn't let her. So I picked out a few pictures that either had her in them or reminded me of her.

She really isn't supposed to be lifting my 35lb (at the time) son but she did just so he could get the Easter egg that was hanging in the blind pull string.

Here she is again, holding my son. She doesn't care that it could hurt her physically because it's what he wanted. She puts everyone in front of herself.

I think I got my love of taking pictures of the clouds from her.

These are her kitties. They are almost a year old now but when they were first born, they were inseparable. They are still this way today. This is Clarkie and Miss Stacha (kinda like mustache).

Here she is climbing the stairs at the Shrine of St. Joseph last year on Mother's Day. She shouldn't be climbing stairs either but you know....

I love flowers! Can't grow them to save my life but I remember as a kid, going out and pruning my mom's Petunias in the garden. She loves flowers too.

She is SOO creative! Next to making cakes for all the kids' birthday parties, she always does these little crafts for them. These are their Easter eggs.

This was Mother's Day last year again. She loves every single one of her grandkids!

My mom and I have a lot in common. She is compassionate, trusting, forgiving, strong and most importantly, the BEST MOM in the whole world!! I don't care if everyone else thinks I am biased...she is!

My 25

2010-04-22T21:34:00.000-07:00

I wasn't tagged in the Facebook 25 Random things, but since I read my sister-in-law's 25 things, she said I had to do it too...Here it goes:

1. I want a god child or some god children.

2. My oldest child is actually my brother's daughter that we adopted.

3. I am in love with my feet. I think they are cute. I will spend my last 50 bucks on a pedicure! And I get more upset if I chip or break a toenail than if I break a fingernail.

4. I am a daddy's girl. Not your stereotypical daddy's girl but I know how to be my daddy's girl.

5. I carry a camera with me at all times. I'm not talking about my camera on my phone either. But that will work if that's what I can get to quicker...

6. I trust people too easily.

7. I buy my kids too much stuff.

8. I vowed to myself when I was little that I would work at Checker Auto Parts just because my shoes squeaked on the tile when I walked in there. I used to go there with my dad when we worked on the car together. I ended up working there for 4 and a half years and met my husband there.

9. I love James Patterson books. I have about 30 of his books and haven't even read them all...

10. I had a full ride scholarship to Stanford University that I didn't take.

11. I love to watch my husband play video games. My favorite is the God of War series.

12. I love to sing! The car is my venue of choice but I will sing in the house or bathroom if no one can hear me.

13. I wear my feelings on the outside.

14. The love of my life is also my best friend. We've had lots of issues over the last 11 years and have probably been judged by lots of people but...I don't give a f***! It makes us who we are as a couple and a family. Not perfect, perfect together!

15. All of my pets have been named from the show "The Dukes of Hazzard." Right now our cat is Luke, dogs are Roscoe and LuLu, and turtles are Enis and Flash.

16. I was offered a job with the City of Phoenix Police as a Crime Scene Tech years ago but passed it up to stay at Cox. I love my company!!

17. I like all kinds of music...Big Band, oldies, rap, rock, hard rock, R&B, Country (my favorite), Doo Wop...my girls think it's funny that I can turn on the radio to any channel and sing the song that comes on.

18. I decided when I was about 14 that I didn't want any children. Now I have 4. Don't know what I would do without them. (Well, maybe I would sleep a little more...it's overrated anyway!)

19. My first job was at Baskin Robbins where my ice cream scooping helped me out with my throwing arm for softball.

20. I was a gymnast when I was young and if my parents could have afforded the training, I could have gone to the Olympics.

21. I don't like that my son's name is Juan.

22. My dream car is a 1967 Chevrolet Chevelle SS. Yellow.

23. I love the channel Investigation Discovery so much that most of it's programs are re-runs to me.

24. I hate when people leave the toilet lid open!

25. I like to give people advice and I do it in a "storyteller" manner. I use my own life experiences to help other people. It's amazing to know how many people go through the same stuff...

So, now that you have read mine, I will assign the same to you. Have fun!!

A Whole MONTH!!

2010-04-19T09:47:00.000-07:00

He's a month old today! I can't believe he's a month already. I think time will continue to fly by as it always has when it comes to our babies...

Ramon is sleeping an average of 5 hours after he eats at night and I think we have his days and nights all figured out. He doesn't like to take baths yet but you can tell he feels better after he has a bath. He bops his head around and is starting to get more control of that. He stays awake a few hours each day now. His brother and sisters have adapted to a new baby very well. His sisters even act like little mommies and help me take care of him and Juanito will even go get Ramon's binky and try to give it to him when he's crying. He eats about 6 ounces at each feeding now. He LOVES to sleep on his tummy! He likes to be held but doesn't cry when you put him down.

He is a really good baby...I think he's a keeper! I love him!

I love feet!!

I think he looks like his daddy in this one.

He wasn't happy that I was taking pictures and he was hungry!

I think he looks more like me in this one.

This one wasn't taken today but I included it to show that he has BLUE eyes! Hopefully they stay that way...

Party, party, party!

2010-04-18T21:48:00.000-07:00

On April 16th, my nephew turned 12 years old. This is my nephew that I haven't seen in about 3 years or so due to my sister and I having a HUGE falling out. When my mom and dad told me that they were planning to have a birthday party for him and asked me if I would go, I was a little hesitant. I mean, I haven't talked to my sister in a LONG time and we don't have the greatest relationship right now. But, I had to think of the kids. They need their family and if it's one thing I have learned since becoming a Melo years ago, it's just that. So, I agreed to go and told my mom I would help her out with it.

It turned out to be a surprise party for him. My sister told him she was gonna take him to the movies for his birthday when she got out of work and my dad would pick them up. Well, when he picked them up, he told Adam he was hungry and that they should stop for pizza. We had already gotten there by then and he had some friends there and his cousins he hasn't seen in a very long time. He was excited!

Grandma made his cake and cupcakes. She did a great job on this one! (He loves Pokemon.)

I don't believe she used a template to draw Pikachu's face. AMAZING!!

The kids took off to play games with the tokens Grandpa got for them!

Juanito LOVES basketball and he went straight for this one. He was standing on the opening where the balls come out.

A little later, I found him inside the machine right next to the hoop!

Guess standing on the opening wasn't close enough! Cheese!

Just like old times...Brianna found her favorite perch...my niece Heidi.

After we all ate pizza and played video games, it was time for cake and gifts.

Adam was taking a picture of his cake.

Blowing out his candles...

He liked this one!

He thought he got pretzels but inside was a boat load of Pokemon stuff!

Grandma & Grandpa's gift was especially hard to open...

Still working on it!

Got it! YAY! A backpack! He was excited about this one too!!

Here are all the kids that were there! (Top left to right: Alicia, Brianna, Heidi, Zachary. Bottom left to right: Tallynna, Juanito, Adam, Jillian, Chris, and I forgot his name)

Then Adam turned in his tickets and got some cool stuff like 85 little ninja guys and these vampire teeth!

It was a great party!

I was even able to talk to my sister a little bit. I miss having her around but also just cannot get over some of the things that happened between us. I have forgiven but forgiveness isn't for her, but for me which is why I was able to be there and see them all. The girls couldn't have been happier to see her and their cousins and for that, I am glad we went.

I saw God today (part 5)

2010-04-09T04:39:00.000-07:00

Atalie Belle Duckworth

4.8.2010 at 5:11PM

6 pounds 10 ounces and 19 1/2 inches long

I got a text message at 7 something yesterday morning that my sister-in-law was in labor. I started to text them to ask what was going on. I got updated regularly. She didn't have a room at that time and her contractions were pretty far apart so I wasn't in a huge hurry to get to the hospital...yet. I made sure to keep in touch with my brother in law for the day because I promised my sister in law that I would be there for her whether she wanted me in the room when Atalie was born or just at the hospital. Turns out I was allowed to be in the room when she graced us with her presence.

I got a text from Junior that Michelle's contractions were about 5 minutes apart. So I said to myself, "I gotta get over there!" It was about 11am or so. I called my babysitter to see if she could watch the boys for me and for the first time EVER, she couldn't watch them. Her husband was sick and with a new baby, she was considerate to tell me that. So, I called my parents to see if they could help me out. My dad said he could bring my mom over to watch the boys and be here for the girls to get home from school. PERFECT!! They got to my house around 1 or so and I took off.

I am a music person and when I got in the car, the first song I heard was "I'm already there" by Lonestar. Michelle had written a blog a few days earlier that had to do with this song. I thought it was appropriate and even made a tear come to my eyes. The very next song was "Unstoppable" by Rascal Flatts. This song talks about how love conquers all and helps you get past whatever things come your way. The last song that came on that I really paid attention to was "Temporary Home" by Carrie Underwood. This was has it's own special meaning with us as a family and I will leave that one at that. Youtube them if you wanna listen to them. I knew at that point that I would be able to make it to see my niece born or at least be there for Michelle.

I sent Junior a text to tell him I was on my way and asked if he needed anything. I stopped for a Monster for Junior and Tiffany and a Cherry Sprite for me from Sonic and I got there. We just hung out from there on. I didn't get a lot of pictures on my camera because I was taking more with Michelle's camera so she could have the memories...

Junior was rubbing Michelle's stomach when she was having contractions.

Here she is! Her first time meeting her mommy! Junior was taking a picture with my phone and I was taking a picture of that.

On the scale...

If you look close at her legs...she has loads of hair!

Here she is at home, a few days old, all cleaned up and hanging out with her favorite tias! (Yes Nichole, that's plural cause I was there too! LOL!)

So, there it is. One more down and 2 more to go. I have 2 more nieces due in the next 2 months. Hopefully, my sister in law in Phoenix will allow me to be there for her daughter's arrival...

I felt very honored to be able to be there for Atalie's entrance and happy that we have a great close family!

I saw God today (part 4)

2010-04-04T21:31:00.000-07:00

Firsts

Easter...The Resurrection of Jesus Christ...not about any bunny or eggs or candy at all. I thought that since today is Easter I would write about some "firsts" that occurred today. Not sure why or how I connected the two but...

Today was Ramon's first Easter. He was dressed in his little outfit my brother bought for him before he was born. I have a picture of it but I want to show it to my brother before I post it anywhere else. He looked adorable but he got warm really quick in it so we stripped him down to the onesie. He was quite content with that.

Today Ramon also had his first "real" bath. He is 2 weeks and 2 days old and he lost his belly button end a few days ago. He was supposed to have his bath yesterday but I have been having trouble with my plumbing so I didn't want to do it with my sink all full so it waited til today.

We went to the park where my comadre arrived at 7am for a 2pm get together. Would you believe she got there that early just for us to have a place to barbeque?! We were having a great time and then all of a sudden I felt dizzy. I looked over at my dad and held onto the ramada post. I thought I was really dizzy and this is what the doctor was talking about with my blood pressure! I wiggled my chair to see if maybe the legs were bent funny and they weren't. Then everyone else started to say, "Do you feel that?" It seemed like the ground was just swaying back and forth! Nichole called her cousin in California to ask if they just had an earthquake and she said they did. We all jumped on Facebook with our phones...damn technology! So today was my first earthquake experience.

I have been celebrating Easter with both sides of my family for YEARS! It's nice to have in-laws that get along with my family and to know that my family likes spending time with my in-laws. My mother-in-law passed away 3 and a half months ago and this was our first Easter without her. We did survive Christmas though; that was SO much worse but it was still so fresh then and hadn't sunk in for most of us. We missed her but we know she was there too!

Tonight, Juanito went to bed for the first time without his elephant. He has had this blue elephant since he was a day old, he's 2 and a half now. He has never slept one night without it. It was in his bassinet when he was a little baby and as he grew, he kept it close to him. Well, tonight I couldn't find it and he didn't ask for it so I laid him down, put his blanket on him, kissed him, hugged him and walked out. Of course, I made sure to find it in case he asked for it. He did but it was an hour later. Notice I said he went to bed without it, not to sleep...

I didn't go to church today. This was the first time I have missed Easter Mass since I was baptized. I woke up with Ramon this morning at 7:30 and fed him...for 2 hours! He was just eating a little bit at a time so it took him SO LONG to eat. I could have gotten up and gotten ready while Juan took care of the peanut but I just didn't feel like getting up. In fact, I stayed in my bed until 11am watching my recordings of 90210. Choices, life is about the choices we make.

One more first. I typed this blog with one hand because I was feeding Ramon at the same time! Never typed a blog with one hand before.

HAPPY EASTER!!

I saw God today (part 3)

2010-03-28T20:56:00.001-07:00

This is our fig tree. It was at our house when we bought it. Every winter, it sheds its huge leaves and blankets the ground. Then every spring it fills out with those very large leaves and grows beautiful figs. I don't like to eat figs so my mom will usually come and get them or the occasional passer by will ask if they can pick them.

I remember hearing a reading in church and it referenced the fig tree. It said something to the effect of "pay attention to when the leaves bud because you know the fruit comes after that." It really had nothing to do with the fig tree itself but the idea to pay attention to the signs so that you may be ready for what's to come.

Anyway, I love my fig tree because it's a pretty tree. I took this picture about 2 weeks ago so the leaves are actually almost grown. I will take another picture of it when it's grown this year. It also looks really neat when it's bare.

I saw God today (part 2)

2010-03-27T22:18:00.000-07:00

For anyone that doesn't know, I LOVE taking pictures of the clouds! This is a shot of the clouds the morning we left for the hospital to have my newest little man. I think this one speaks for itself.

I saw God Today (part 1)

2010-03-26T22:21:00.000-07:00

I have been getting lots of text messages from people asking me how I am doing and how baby Ramon and the family are doing. Most of the time I can type in the word "good" with no problem. Sometimes it comes out as "god" and I have to backspace and retype it.

This has happened to me for several years that I can remember. Typing on IM or in an email or wherever. I started to really pay attention to it when my grandpa passed away years ago. I was upset because I didn't have the relationship with him that I would have wanted. For whatever reason, I wasn't his favorite (not that he had one) and I don't have any pictures of him other than the ones I took from my cousin's facebook page. Juan and I weren't married at the time he passed away and we were actually split up...one time of many. He wasn't there for me. I was angry.

One day I was typing a note to Juan, that I never gave to him, and every time I tried to type the word "good" I would miss that second o. So I stopped and thought about it and wondered if that was a message coming to me that I needed to divert my anger to a more appropriate subject. Whether that was the case or not, it stuck with me.

There have been many other occasions where this one thing pops into my writing but this was the first time, that I can remember, that it happened. So think about it, every time you type the word "good" and it comes out as "god," what do you think it means?

I saw God today

2010-03-25T16:20:00.001-07:00

I decided to try and post things that remind me that God is around us all the time. This was sort of inspired by LeAnn Womack's song "There is a God." With all that has happened in my familys' lives over the last few months and all that is to come, I think it's important to keep this in front of our minds.

So I will use that song as the first post for this "series." Excuse the first part of the youtube link because there is not an official video for it yet but I thought it important to have the lyrics so you can follow along...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5XkwJJW0lB4

Enjoy!

Ramon Jose Melo

2010-03-25T09:52:00.000-07:00

AKA-Peanut, Ram On, Little Joe, Ray J, RJ and whatever other names we come up with for him...

He was born on March 19th, 2010 at 7:14PM. He was 20 and 1/2 inches long and 8lbs 3.5 oz. Here's his birthday story:

It's a long one...

We were scheduled to be at Paradise Valley Hospital at 9am on Friday, March 19. We got up and got the kids ready to go to the babysitter's house, dropped them off and we were on our way. While on the way, the hospital called to say they were really busy and asked if we could come at 10:30am. No choice really and we weren't in a big hurry so we said, "No problem!" Of course, we weren't about to head to the hospital without eating anything so we stopped at Village Inn for breakfast. Forgetting it was Friday, Juan had Chicken Fried Steak and eggs and I had French Toast. I didn't remember it was a Friday during Lent either but, hey, it happens. So we enjoyed our breakfast together, talked about a new baby coming home, talked about his mom not being there, got a little teary eyed, laughed and had a good time for a little while. We paid for our breakfast and went out driving around for a bit. We still had like 45 minutes. We stopped at Dunkin Donuts to get Juan some coffee and we sat outside for a bit while he drank it. I had Juan take one last picture of me with my prego belly for my mom and we headed to the hospital. I was a little on edge just because it was my last child, last pregnancy, and there's a lot of "stuff" that goes into having a baby.

We were waiting at the light at 40th St to turn left and it started to sprinkle. It wasn't supposed to rain that day but there was the possibility of sprinkles here and there. What are the chances that it sprinkles at that moment in that spot? I say it was Sylvia. I say she was there the whole time and as I get more into this story, you will understand what I mean.

We walked into the hospital and they put me in my room. It was LDR4 or Labor and Delivery Room #4. It was a tiny room, no way even close to big enough for my family to comfortably fit. The nurse assured us that if a bigger room opened up, we would be able to move into it. So, I was started on the medicine that induces contractions, playing Solitaire on my phone, had my parents, my father in law, my comadre, Kika, and of course my hubby and we waited....

I started to feel the contractions and was dialated to about a 4. The nurse came in and said that LDR7 was open and we were going to move into that room. This was AWESOME!! Why you ask? My son Juan Diego was born in this room at the same hospital. Sylvia. I was happy they were moving us to this room.

After we got into this room, I was getting a little more uncomfortable with my contractions but still not horrible. I mentioned it to the nurse to have the anesthesiologist come in to do my epidural when he gets a chance. I figured it would be 15 or 20 minutes for him to get there. She came back in and said that they had an emergency C-Section and he would be about 30 minutes or so if all goes well with that. I was perfectly ok with that. I could wait if it meant someone else's baby being ok. So, the contractions got a little worse but still not unbearable. He finally got there around 6:30pm got the epidural in and said that it should kick in within 20 minutes. I got really shaky and they had me lay down. My blood pressure shot through the roof and she couldn't get the baby's heartbeat at first. I got scared so that didn't help either. But she got it after what seemed like forever! So I waited for the contractions to get easier. I waited and waited...looked at the clock...it had been 10 minutes...it should have gotten a little lighter...I waited 5 more minutes. They were getting WORSE! AHH!! I had never felt a pain like that in my life!! The nurse called the anesthesiologist back in and he said the tube slipped out and that he would need to do it again. Just when they were getting ready to do it over, Juan walked in and I just shook my head "no" and he knew to walk back out. I felt bad that I couldn't tell him what happened...

So he puts the epidural back in. It was even more painful to get in there this time because I was having contractions every minute and a half or so and they were mean contractions. And I had to stay still!

Rewind to 8 years ago when I was having Brianna. Sylvia was there with me and I was going to try and have her with no epidural. I was a wuss and gave in to the medication. Sylvia tried and tried to tell me not to have it. My mom did the same. They were both telling me to just breathe them out and be as calm as possible. I couldn't do it so I had the epidural. I know Sylvia wasn't happy about it and my mom was worried about me having it.

Back to Ramon -- The epidural is in! It should take effect within a few minutes. I thank the doctor again and he's out. I think to myself, only a few more contractions and I won't feel it again. Then "a few" came and went and I could still feel them. Sylvia. She wanted me to feel it. The epidural didn't work.

They came and put a monitor on the baby's head instead of the one around my tummy because they couldn't keep the heartbeat on the monitor since I was moving so much. They checked me and I was already at 7 or 8 and progressing fast. They had called my doctor to come out around 6:40ish and he said he was 30 minutes away. I could still feel every bit of it. It was torture. I started to feel like I needed to push and the nurse said I could push a little to help make it feel better until the doctor got there. Another doctor came in and said, "If you need to push, go ahead, I can deliver your baby if the doctor doesn't make it." I was thinking, BULL$@#*!! I didn't come all this way and have my doctor care for me through all this to make him drive 30 minutes to get here to let some lady I didn't know deliver my baby. I WAS HOLDING IT, pain or not!! And I didn't care that she was his neighbor!

Between every contraction, I looked at the clock. It seemed like it took him an hour to get there. He finally got there and I asked him, "Where were you? Playing golf?" He just responded with, "What's golf?" LOL! Gotta love my doctor.

I saw him and I started pushing. I pushed REALLY hard about 4 or 5 times. I pushed hard enough that I broke blood vessels in the whole right side of my face, neck and chest. I had Juan at my head, my mom in her usual spot on the right leg and Kika at my left leg. At 7:14PM I heard my little boy's first cry. My mom got to cut the cord and she got to hold him first. I was happy about that.

Holy crap! It was painful. That's all I can say. But let me tell you, an hour after I had him, I FELT GREAT! (For having just had an 8lb 4oz baby) Not a lot of pain, no stitches, no having to stay in the bed until the epidural wears off.

So all in all, the 30 minutes of excruciating pain was worth what I got from it. My family is complete. All the people I needed there, were. I have a beautiful, healthy, big, baby boy.

Sylvia was there the whole time.

Another 48 hours...ish

2010-03-17T11:51:00.000-07:00

I am almost 39 weeks pregnant right now. The doctor has scheduled me to be induced on Friday, March 19th. As I get closer to Friday, there is a lot of things going through my head. I thought I would share...

I have about 48 more hours to have this little precious baby in my tummy, kicking me, rolling around, causing me to have swollen feet, allowing me to eat lots of ice from Sonic and lots of ice cream. I absolutely LOVE being pregnant! I have not had any issues with any of my pregnancies and have had the greatest pregnancies ever! I know a lot of women that have problems and I feel for them. I wish they could enjoy their pregnancies as much as I have.

I wonder what it is...I think it's a boy, my mom thinks it's a girl. Stacey wants it to be a girl and so does Brianna. Tallynna wants it to be a boy--this week! She has been a little on the fence. My Juanito needs a little brother to play with. Either way I will be bringing home a Ramon Jose or an Adrienne Renee. (Or maybe both as my boss would say, he thinks there's more than one)

Strokes have caused 2 people that I really wanted to be there, to not be able to be there. Sylvia-my mother-in-law won't be there because she passed away almost 3 months ago. (I'm still working on the post for that one...) I know that all the cliches say that she will be there and I know that she will be but I won't see her; she won't be there holding my leg for me or running out of the room to tell everyone what the baby is. I think I have been putting this feeling off for quite some time making myself think that I will be ok without her there but I won't. Well, I will but I won't. If that makes sense. I miss her. My best friend, Stacey won't be there because her Aunt had a stroke and is on life support right now. I totally understand that she won't be there, I wouldn't expect her to choose me over her family. I just hope she travels safely and we will send her the first pictures.

I won't feel this feeling again. I will have 4 kids at this point and I don't want to have anymore and so we are going to have either Juan or I "tied up" so that we don't have anymore kids. I think 4 is enough and they will be a handful enough for the next 20 years or so...

I hope all my kids have a good relationship for their whole lives. It's all they will have.

I need a dresser for the new baby. I have been looking on Craigslist but I don't know how much I trust people on there so I think I will check some Goodwills and Savers. Maybe I will find something that will work. I suppose during my off time, I may be able to convince my parents to let me clean out my old room and get the furniture out of there. I dunno.

I'm sure there's more but this is what comes to mind right now.

Wish me luck!!

For Kooper

2010-01-30T21:52:00.000-08:00

Here is a post from the wife of a friend of mine. You see, they lost their little boy, Kooper Leland Perry, at 38 weeks in the pregnancy due to an umbilical cord accident. Totally unexpected. I am 32 weeks pregnant now and could not imagine having to deal with such pain and loss and then to also know that she had to give birth naturally to him and know that when it was all over, he would not be coming home with her. This just shows me that God has a plan for each and every one of us and that women are the strongest beings on earth! Kami and Ryan have endured much more than I would want anyone to go through but they remain strong! I look up to them for their strength.

Here is her post. Please go to the site and vote.

"The TV show The Doctors are letting you vote for a topic to be discussed on the show. Stillbirth is such a taboo topic. Doctors don't talk about it much, (I bet if you asked they would) but most pregnant women don't think to even ask because it seems like something that used to happen. It still happens. I think it would be a great topic to put out there in the public and help make more pregnant women aware of the possibilities. All you do is go to the websitehttp://www.thedoctorstv.com/produce/idea_comment/3963 , you do have to create an account to vote, but please do! I knew that stillbirth was fairly common 1/100 and have met many women who have experienced a loss like mine, but it is when you click on the site you can see comments below and almost everyone of them say that it happened to them and most of them as I did, had no clue that it was that common or that it could happen to them. I hope they pick that topic because I would love to see what information they might say about that topic."

Please spread the word so that more families don't have to endure this pain in the future.

Thank you!

Daddys

2010-01-27T17:06:00.000-08:00

Maybe that should be spelled Daddies...oh well...

I'll start by saying that if you don't know me, I am one that will listen to a song on the radio and try to interpret what that means at that point in my life. It has to be on the radio because if it was on a CD or an iPod then I could plan when that song played. I will give you a few recent examples:

We went to a Christmas party at Juan's cousin's house and on the radio I heard the song, "Temporary Home" by Carrie Underwood. I loved it! It explains how in this world we are just passing through and there are bigger and more beautiful things waiting for us when we are done here. I posted this song on my Facebook profile so others could hear it too. This was just a few days before my mother in law passed away surrounded by people she loved.

When we got the call that Sylvia was not doing well and in the hospital again, Juan took off to the hospital and I was just sitting there in my bed debating on whether I should wake up the kids and take them to a friends house so I could be with her and more importantly my husband or whether I should just stay home because it was all out of my hands. I said a little prayer and really just said, "God, if it's her time, take her peacefully but if it's not, don't let her suffer and bring her back to us." That was it. Then I heard the song, "If today was your last day" by Nickelback and it was at that moment that I knew she wasn't going to make it.

If you get the chance to look them up, listen to them. I feel like songs play at a certain time for certain people for a certain reason. You just have to pay attention. Intentionally.

Now on to the reason I am writing this blog. I heard a song on the radio today called, "Hurry Home" by Jason Michael Carroll. I am attaching the video to this song so you can see it but it kinda hit me today when I heard it. I remembered when I was younger and we were going to move to North Carolina and my sister ran away with her boyfriend. She didn't come with us. As much as I knew it hurt my parents that she would separate herself from the family, they didn't show it. There were other times that my brothers and sister did things and hurt them but they loved us no matter what we did. So the father-daughter relationship between my dad and my sister had always been strained and for the last few years it has been non-existent. She hasn't communicated with any of us in that few years.

I know that if my sister called my dad and said, "Dad, I need help." He would be there. There is no doubt or question in my mind that he would help her and probably even let her live with them again if she really needed it. It would be a tough decision to make and may take him a little while to do it, but he just isn't the type of person that would let someone in his family live on the streets. So the bottom line is that this song reminded me of my dad and how he might have been feeling when she left to live with her boyfriend or how he might still feel about her now.

I could be wrong. I don't think I am.

Enjoy!

http://www.youtube.com/user/JasonMichaelCarroll?blend=2&ob=1&rclk=cth

Got My Feelings Hurt again...

2010-01-25T19:01:00.000-08:00

I work for Cox Communications and this year we actually achieved the goals enough to give us a bonus. They sent them in the mail and of course they are raped of 41% in tax...so my $750 check was $442. I thought this would be perfect because I wanted to get a new phone and since I had recently given my husband my ipod nano that I don't use, maybe I could also get an ipod touch with it. It was money I didn't have anyway. I bought him a phone a while back because his blackberry was all jacked up. Anyways, I decided to cash my check at a check cashing place because it was Sunday and the bank isn't open that day and I wanted to go get my phone. While I was there the lady there told me that I owed them money from a bad check I had written. I think she has me mixed up with my sister in law but I got all upset that I was getting $50 less than what I went in there for... I had to come to grips that I wasn't getting the phone I wanted now...

Oh well, it's material and I have a phone that works. So when I got home, I started to tell Juan what happened and he would NOT listen to me and after I said 2 words his comment was, "Ya gotta let it go. Let it go. Let it go. Let it go." He wouldn't listen nor would he stop interrupting me! It made me so mad.

I went in my room. I didn't even slam the door this time. I locked the door and went into my bathroom to sit on the floor and cry. My feelings were very hurt. Everytime he needs me to listen to him, I do. I didn't even want him to do anything with what I was saying. I just wanted him to listen.

I was in there for just a minute or 2 and here he comes slamming in through the door. He broke my bedroom door and came in the bathroom and asked me what was wrong. I knew I shouldn't have told him. I can't talk to him AT ALL these days. It's almost as if I am not allowed to share my feelings with him unless they are all positive. So after he asked me a few times, I shared with him that my feelings were hurt. I have been let down and disappointed all to much lately. He doesn't hold me, or even touch me for that matter. He said he was gonna take me to the movies and opted for a tattoo instead. I can't get the phone I wanted. He's selfish and if it's not about him, he doesn't care.

When we were leaving for Michelle's he decided that he didn't want to go. Yeah, that made me feel like shit. So I dropped him off back at home after I put gas in my car (yep, he doesn't even pump my gas for me when he's with me...) and then I cried all the way to her house. I felt like an idiot walking in there with my face all red and everyone saying, "Where's Juan?" Who gives a shit?!

When I got home he had put his phone and the ipod on my nightstand. DOESN'T HE GET IT??!! It's not the damn phone! I want to have a flippin conversation with someone other than people at work or my kids...I want him to do the things I ask. He doesn't have to ask me to do anything for him hardly. He doesn't have to ask for dinner or for groceries to be in the fridge or the house to be cleaned or the kids to be bathed and put to bed or the bills to be paid.

I have been asking him to attach Juanito's dresser to the wall for a LONG time and guess who had to go in and do it? I even bought him the damn drill bits that would go through the block wall!! My curtains needed to be rehung because Juanito broke them down. I have been listening to my smoke alarms beep for over a year now. And the list goes on...

All I want is for him to listen, want to spend time with me, consider me and be my husband and not just a paycheck. He hasn't done Fun Friday with us in at least 3 weeks because he has other things he wants to do instead.

My dad is sick. That has been on my mind for a few weeks now but I feel like I can't talk about it with him because his mom just passed...I don't want to add that on top of it. So I have only friends to talk to which is ok but I want to be able to have a conversation a little deeper than the standard, "How was your day?" talk. I wish his mom could come down and slap him in the head and ask him what the hell he's thinking!

Once again, it's all my fault. It's because I nag him I guess. I ask him once to do things anymore and if he doesn't do them, I do it. I wonder how many times he has taken out the trash this last week...NONE! I have taken it out.

Maybe I will go to counseling and find out what I am supposed to do. I can't change him but there are things I will not accept.

My blogs have been nothing but complaints lately and I'm sorry for that but I need to get it out and hope someone reads it and cares.

Are you gonna be gone long?

2010-01-15T18:23:00.000-08:00

Lately, it seems like Juan has been spending more time away than at home. Tonight, he is going to Rocky's again but this time to get a tattoo with his mom's name on it. What can I say about that but "are you gonna be gone long?" He responded with "Probably cause you know how Rocky likes to drag his feet and make me stay longer..." Bull! You make your own choices.

As much as I love Sylvia, I don't want any names on him. I don't know if this is his way of remembering her or what it really is because we have always talked about how he would never get names on him in the form of tattoos...It's his body. What can I do? Nothing.

I can only remind him that he shouldn't drink and get a tattoo at the same time. At least he knows (I hope) that I care.

Let's Go To Breakfast

2009-12-25T21:16:00.000-08:00

I've had this blog prepared for a while now (by prepared, I mean saved with the title only and adding to it as I had time) but I couldn't decide if I really wanted to do this or not. I didn't know where to start or even what I would say. So I will start at the beginning...it's gonna be long! Get ready! Sorry, I don't have any pictures in this one...

I met Juan in 1998 but we didn't actually go on a "date" until like March of 99. He told me to call him when I got off work, it was after midnight. I know that when I lived with my parents, I wasn't allowed to even be on the phone past 9pm, let alone get a call after that so I was a little worried. He told me not to worry about it but already talking with him about how much he got in trouble with his mom, I was freakin scared! But I REALLY liked him and so I called. Here's how the conversation went:

Sylvia: Hello

Me: Is Juan there?

Sylvia: Um, who's this?

Me: Jennifer

Sylvia: Sure. Lemme get him...JUAAAAAAAAAN!!

Ok, that wasn't so bad. It was like 12:30 and he was gonna come to my house and watch a movie with me. So he told me to come and pick him up. Did I really think I was gonna get away with just driving up and not going in? Yeah I did but I didn't get away with it...I had to go in a MEET HIS PARENTS!!! AHHHH! Um, ok, I can do this. So he brings me in the house and are they in the living room or kitchen watching TV? NO WAY!! They are in bed for cryin out loud! All I could think of is "Are you really taking me into their room?!" I can't do that. I can't even go into my parent's room when they aren't sleeping...I was so nervous that I don't even remember how that one went. I just remember them in bed all covered up and watching tv. Sylvia talked to me more than Joe did.

A few months down the road, Juan and I were pretty close and I would go over to his house after work. I had met his sisters (they loved me!) and a few of his family members and some friends. On these trips to his house after work I would end up "falling asleep" and not leaving until the morning. Juan's dad told him that he couldn't have me staying the night because he was making a bad impression on his sisters. One morning after I had been told not to stay there, Juan and I woke up to a pound on the door. "JUAN!!!" Bang, bang, bang! "JUAN!! Open this door!" It was locked, of course, and I won't tell you whether we had clothes on or not...

Anyway, this tiny lady comes in and says, "I need to talk to you two. Sit down on the bed."

Uh oh, I'm in trouble now, I thought.

So she starts with the question, "What are you guys gonna do if you get pregnant?"

Juan and I both looked at each other with this 'did she just ask that' look.

"Huh?" I said.

After she repeated herself, I answered, "Well then we will have a baby."

Then she starts talking about how if we did, she would be the youngest grandma at Cellular 1.

"Ok, let's go to breakfast." She told us.

If that wasn't the weirdest conversation I EVER had with Sylvia, I don't know what was. We went to Kiss the Cook for breakfast. It was pretty good. I had never been there before.

Then it was time for Michelle's quince. I was the BIGGEST tom-boy there was and Sylvia was gonna make me wear a dress and get my nails done..."get my nails done?" What the hell does that mean? So over the course of a few weeks, she took me to this lady's house where she measured me and hand made a dress for me to wear. It was gold with a black lace top. I couldn't believe I had to wear a dress...

I can't remember if it was the day before or a few days before but I went to this place to "get my nails done." It was on 67th Ave and Thomas. I was getting ready to spend my last $20 on my nails. I wondered, what was I gonna do for groceries or gas for the next week? Oh well, I really wanted to make this woman like me. (Not knowing that she already did) And my parents would probably help me. So I walk up to the curb and I find a roll of money on the ground in the gutter. Holy crap! Are you kidding me?! I put it in my pocket and went about my business. You see, right next to this nail place is a bar notorious for it's drug deals... It was $470 rolled up. I guess I didn't have to worry about groceries or gas huh! AND I had my nails done all purty. Now I had to figure out how I was going to machine rotors or take car parts apart for customers at work with these things on...I was on my own with that one. Let's just say they didn't last too long.

Then the quince came. Juan told me his family would be there. I had NO idea what "family" meant until I met his family. This hall was packed floor to ceiling, wall to wall with mexicans. Ok I'm exaggerating but you get the point. I was prolly the only white girl there. Let me tell you, Sylvia knew how uncomfortable I was and not because I said anything about it. It was because she just knew. She asked me to help her in the kitchen and so I did for a little while. It made me feel better. She always made me feel welcome even if I ever wasn't. Over the next few years, I would grow to love all those people as my family too! They are sometimes even closer to me than my own family.

So as the next few years came and went, there were lots of troubles between Juan and I. Everytime, I would talk with Sylvia and she NEVER once told me it was all my fault or took Juan's side. That would be traditionally expected because that is her son and I am just an import. But, NOPE, Sylvia always listened to me, always made sure she understood both sides and then would say every time...without fail..."It's both of you. You want it to work, you both have to change." Every time.

And it helped that even when Juan and I were split up for some reason, his sisters would always invite me over anyway. Juan told me once just after I had met the family that once I was in, there was no getting out. I witnessed this first hand with Elsa and Mario. When they called it quits, we ended up going to Elsa's wedding to some other man. Proof positive.

Juan and I had children in the midst of all this stuff. One biologically and one adopted. Tallynna came into our lives on November 5, 2001. She was 13 months old. Joe and Sylvia LOVED her from first sight. And they accepted her like she was their granddaughter too! Over the years, I have seen this be the case for them with a few kids that aren't "blood." I think it's awesome and it takes a good person to do this. I remember a conversation I had with Sylvia around the time that CPS and the courts were deciding whether it was in Tallynna's best interest to live with me and Juan or send her to someone else's home. They asked me what other family she had and who else might me interested in taking care of her. I had talked with Sylvia about this before the appointment and she said to me, "Joe and I love her and if there is no other way to keep her in the family, we will take her." All I could think was WOW.

When Brianna was born, where was Sylvia? She was right there with my mom, holding my leg up so I could push that big ol' baby out. She was a little short for the height of the bed but let me tell you, I wouldn't want anyone else holding my legs up than my mom and my "mother" as I called her. Brianna was a big baby and Sylvia and Juan both said when she was born, "It's a girl! That's a girl?" She was just that big.

Every year, I wouldn't have to worry about buying them an Easter outfit or a Christmas dress cause she would make sure she got them for all the kids as the kid population grew.

Juanito was born and once again, there is Sylvia holding my leg up with my mom on the other side. When it was said, "It's a boy!" I think I am glad I still had the epidural cause she dropped my leg and ran out of the room to tell everyone. Actually, she yelled it at everyone! Now, just think, could she have had that reaction if we knew what we were having? Now you know why we don't find out...

Sylvia came to work at Cox not too long after Juanito was born. Everyone loved her. Are you surprised? HAHA!

About a year after she started working at Cox, we were both there and I got a call from Scott (the manager for her department at the time).

Scott: Hey Jen, you need to get to my office right away. Sylvia passed out and we called the paramedics.

Me: Ok, I'm on my way.

I got there just as the paramedics were getting there and they took her blood pressure, it was 201/190something. YIKES! That was all I could think of. "My gosh that could cause a stroke." She told me the room was spinning, she couldn't even tell them her information. Luckily I was there. We sat there for a little while and they checked her blood pressure again and it was still very high. So they took her out in the ambulance to John C Lincoln. I called Joe and Juan to tell them what was going on and that I would be there with her. I remember hearing that she had told her boss not to let them take off her pants because she hadn't shaved...LOL! After all the paramedics that worked that shift close to work were hotties! The later shift, we found out later on in this whole ordeal, were older and not so cute...

So this happened a few more times over the following months. She was diagnosed with Vertigo and was given medication for it that didn't work. So finally, I told her she needed to see a neurologist. I found one for her and went with her to the 1st appointment. He said she had Migraines. He explained why her blood pressure would raise up so high and all that. We trusted that. So he gave her some medication for that and it seemed to work for about a few days. Then back to the hospital we went. The doctor said it may take a while for the medication to kick in so she would still have the issue until it finally settled. It seemed pointless for her to even go to the ER because anytime she would say she has been diagnosed with Migraines, that was it. They didn't check for anything else. I repeatedly told her that I didn't think it was Migraines and that it was something in her head. Like a clot or aneurism or something like that. She agreed but how could she find it? She had 4 or 5 MRIs already and they found nothing.

On Saturdays that she was able to be at work, she would take me to lunch. She always told me that she felt bad because she does all these things for Michelle and Nichole and not a lot for me. It was as though I was her daughter too. It was nice to know that she felt that way about me. We would have the best talks on those Saturdays. It was just us. She had convinced me to even take Juan back after his last round of trouble and not because she wanted me to just take him back but because it was in his best interest and of course, she was right. He was headed down the wrong path because he was getting depressed. Plus I married him with the full intention to live up to the vows I took. I loved him then just as I do now.

Sylvia was always there for me and I was always there for her. I'm glad I got to know her as well as I did and I am happy that she raised Juan to be the great man he is. I miss her. I think about her every day and I just hope that I can have the impact on other peoples' lives that she did. I also pray that I can leave my life with all ends tied up the way she did too.

It's Mother's Day 2010 now and this blog has sat here LONG enough. It turned out to be some of my favorite memories of Sylvia...I have A LOT! What better day to post about my mother-in-law? I love you Sylvia!

Bitching

2009-11-08T07:21:00.001-08:00

I'm in a really bad mood this morning so if you aren't interested in me complaining (something I don't do often), close out of this post...

I haven't blogged in a while. I have started a few but never finished because of all the crap that has been happening. Maybe that's the story of my life, I start things and don't finish. I say one thing and do something else.

In August, I asked my alcoholic husband to leave because he came home again at 4am drunk. This was the day before our son's 2nd birthday party. I have always been a trusting person and have always trusted that he isn't cheating on me. To this day, I still don't think he has cheated on me. I do know that he has had some conversations on text message with people he shouldn't be talking to and as soon as I found out about those and asked him to stop he did to my knowledge.

He moved back home a month later after many different conversations about what he's going to do to be better, how it's gonna always be the same cycle no matter what he says or does, and how our marriage is most important and the vows we took mean so much more now than when we said them. While he was gone, not only was he staying with the friend that he always went out drinking with but he began drinking just about every night. I saw him start falling into this bit of depression where he would just work and then go drink. He wouldn't call or come see the kids very often and that put me in a tough spot to try and explain why he wasn't coming around. It is also very hard to try and take care of 3 kids with one on the way, work, make dinner, check homework, etc. I never said anything negative about their dad. They were very happy when he came back home and so was I.

I let him come back for a few reasons: He is better off at home where alcohol is not within his reach everywhere, the kids need their dad, and most importantly this is not the way marriage is supposed to be. For better or worse doesn't mean the better or worse that I choose. It is whatever life hands to us. He was an alcoholic before I married him; he'll be one forever.

Things have been going well since he came back in late September. He's been fairly helpful, happy, not going out.

Fast forward to today...1/09/10...Yes I started this post a long time ago. My mother in law passed away a few weeks ago (something for another post I'm working on) and he hasn't been the same. Do I expect him to be the same? NO WAY! But he's not the only person alive right now and he sure is acting like he is. He's been sensitive, mean, unplugged from everyone, and drunk quite a bit. Anywho, yesterday when he got home from work, I was on the phone with my parents and he said hi and a few other things to me that I prolly didn't respond to and then he went in the room and went to bed. It was 6:30pm. It was the first night that we weren't praying the Rosary at his aunt's house. It was the first night in about 2 weeks that I had cooked dinner. I was hoping to at least make an attempt to get back to a little bit normal. It was Friday night. It was supposed to be family night and I just got a movie from one of my employees to watch. I was in a good mood. I went into the room when dinner was ready and asked if he wanted to eat and he said no. I was hurt. It hurt.

I know he doesn't like it when I am on the phone with my parents or anyone for that matter when he gets home from work. I needed to ask them a question and I would never act like that when it would come to him on the phone with his parents or ANYONE else. God knows he talks to everyone else and not me. Just check his text messages...I digress...

So the kids and I ate dinner and watched our movie. I still felt horrible. I am the type of person to always figure out how everything is my fault. I am responsible for everything. It's my fault he drinks. It's my fault the house is a mess. It's my fault... So I start to feel like what the fuck? It's my parents. They won't be around long and I need to talk to them as much as I can before I can't anymore.

I had to work this morning and he didn't. But who was in there asleep? HIM! And he acts like I don't work all day long and have to get up early and stay up late and haven't been right next to him during all this stuff that's been happening. AND I'M PREGNANT! He doesn't give a shit.

I went to work this morning and didn't hear from him at all but when I texted him to see if he was awake at 11am, he was out and about. I told him he wasn't very nice last night and he went on to blame it on me and then say that I always do right and he always does wrong. This is what he does to make me feel bad so I apologized for being on the phone. I shouldn't have. It's my parents.

So last weekend he asked me if he could go to Rocky's house to "kick it" (like he's a fucking 20 year old with no responsibilities) he knows I will never tell him no but he asks anyway. We went to dinner at Michelle and Jrs and then he took off to Rocky's. He'll be drinking. Something even his own dad told him not to do 5 minutes before he left the house. Something his mom hated that he did. Something he watched fuck up his uncle's life and yet he doesn't care. He's selfish.

He told me the other day that I am so much stronger that I used to be but I see it as being weaker. I don't stand up to him and for what I believe. I care for him and need him so much that I don't argue with him so that he doesn't decide to leave me. I have tried to do this without him and can't. I was fine all by myself before I met him, why can't that be now?

I posted a song on Facebook the other day that I heard on the radio. I posted it for him. Did he respond or even mention that he saw it or heard it? NOPE. I got responses from the family.

I had someone give me a frame yesterday and I put Sylvia's memorial card in it for him for now so he can have it next to his grandmother's picture until he can get one he wants. He thanked me for it but it didn't seem like he even cared that I had done something for him.

Maybe these things are all expected. Maybe he's right that it will never be enough. If he quit drinking, would I truly be happy or would I just find something else to bitch about? I dunno.

So right now, he's out at Rocky's and I am guessing he will be home in the morning or tomorrow afternoon when he sobers up...how would he feel if I did that? I feel disrespected and unappreciated. I wish he could be home and that we were enough for him. I don't bother him while he's out. I don't text or call or ANYTHING!! Maybe I should. Maybe I should be a bitch and nag him all the time.

I don't know. I just don't know.

I am not one to give up and so I won't.

I can't help him.

Will he ever see how much he means to me? Will he ever know how much this one thing alone hurts? I'm not counting on it. So I will continue to allow him to disrespect me and treat me like I am just his wife. I should prolly be in the kitchen cooking something or cleaning something.

This thing went all over the place but it made me feel a little better.

Trying...

2009-09-16T05:56:00.000-07:00

I am trying to post a blog about the park trip we took last week but the 2 minute video I want to add to it is taking forever!! I even left the computer on over night with the page open and it wasn't loaded....

Any suggestions?

Another Birthday Party!

2009-08-30T22:03:00.001-07:00

Today, we celebrated my 8 year old's birthday with a Camp Rock party. We didn't have anything that was Camp Rock except for the top to the cupcake stand my parents made. She had a good time...

The family showed up. Here is her daddy and her cousin Matthew looking a little tough. Maybe they really were doing security.

Her friends came! She was most excited about these little ladies coming out. She was so happy that she wanted them to spend the night. Too bad they have school tomorrow.

Her Nino Oscar and Tio Chris hanging out by the pool.

We had a nacho bar for the meal. Fernanda really liked the cheese even though the expression on her face says otherwise! LOL!

We did the cake before the gifts because one of Brianna's friends had to leave soon. 8 candles on 8 cupcakes. MAKE A WISH!!

This was the one she chose after she served everyone else.

And I smashed it in her face... She was totally caught off guard!

Present time! She got lots of clothes, money, and art stuff.

She even really read the cards!

Here are her Grandpa, Jamma, and daddy.

After she opened all her gifts, Daddy went to play in the baby's room. He said he was playing with our son but I don't see any kids, do you?

After everyone went home, all the food and stuff was put away, Juanito was pooped. He fell asleep on the couch.

We had a great day and lots of fun! Brianna felt extra special today, thanks to all her guests!

My Creative Children

2009-08-28T21:13:00.001-07:00

We are preparing the house for Brianna's birthday party this weekend and I decided to clean out the boy's toy box and get rid of some of his toys. He just got a bunch of toys for his birthday and I need to make room for them all. I got the to box all cleaned out and when I said to him, "Ok monkey, let's put them back in!" He must have thought I told him to get in. He found some sunglasses in there and got in. He's adorable.

Then, Tallynna came to me and said, "Mom, can I use some of those little clips you use in your hair?" I gave her 2 bobby pins and this is what she came back with. I thought it was pretty cute and she did it on her own.

He's 2 today!!

2009-08-23T20:40:00.001-07:00

Who woulda thunk it?!

Juanito is already 2! It seems like yesterday that I was bringing home my little yellow baby. (He had Jaundice) Here's his story:

He was due September 10, 2007. We were down to our last few appointments when the doctor said that I was slightly pre-ecclamptic (high blood pressure) and that we needed to schedule me to be induced. He was going to schedule me to have a bed at St. Joseph's Hospital on August 22nd. This is my daughter's birthday. He said that the hospital would call me in the early early morning to let me know they had a bed for me. So we left the office and awaited the call. It was August 22nd and no call. Around noon, still no call. So I called the hospital and they said I was 6th on the list and they have had no open beds all day so I would have to continue to wait. So around 5pm, I called them again and they said they still have me as #6. So I gave up for that day and decided that I would call my doctor in the morning if he didn't call me first. The next morning, my doctor called me and asked if I would mind going to Paradise Valley hospital. I needed to be induced and they had a bed so off we went. We left the house around 10am and headed down Bell Rd. At Paradise Valley Mall, there is an In N Out and Juan looks at me and says, "You mind if we stop?" I said it was fine. So we went through the drive through and they were closed but for some reason, they opened the window and let him order...we sat in the car again and ate. Well, he ate, I didn't.

We got to the hospital around 11am and Stacey went to pick up my mom and they actually beat us there. We got me all ready to go, IV, labor inducing drug, etc. And we waited...and waited...and waited. The rest of the family came and around 11:30pm, I was ready to push. Everyone was tired including me. But the doctor came in and went over all the tasks with the helpers and we started to work on getting the monkey out. I pushed for 20 minutes! I told Juan that I couldn't do it. He was reassuring and said I could. I cried cause it hurt. He was a lot bigger than Brianna. Then the last push and there he was! The doctor said, "It's a boy!" I thought Sylvia and Juan were gonna trip over each other getting out the door to tell the rest of the family. He was 8lbs 9ozs.

Now, he's about 35 lbs and at every doctor's appointment, he has measured in the 95-100th percentile. He's a BIG boy but he's my little man.

He's a momma's boy, loves the camera, loves his sisters and daddy. He's a brat too. He's adorable and beautiful hair. He loves to watch Yo Gabba Gabba and Wow Wow Wubbzy. When I walk in the door, he screams, "mom mom!!" He is the cutest thing and I love him to death!

Juanito's 2nd Birthday Party

2009-08-23T20:39:00.000-07:00

My little monkey turned 2 today! Here is a recap of the day before the party and the day of the party.

Michelle and I were gluing the party hats together and the glue clogged up in the tip. Michelle messed with the bottle for quite some time and then I told her to give it to me. She did and so I squeezed it harder than she was not knowing that the top would come off and plop onto the folder I had there. Michelle, Junior and I busted up laughing! So, what did we do with the glue? Instead of being adults and trying to get it back into the bottle or using it off the folder, I took some and covered my hands in it and let it dry so I could "tear off my skin" like I used to do in grade school. Junior did the same on the folder. It was fun!

It happened to be my daughter's birthday the day before and our tradition is to take the birthday person out to the dinner they want. Brianna chose Chuck E. Cheese. So, I put Juanito down for the night and took my niece and nephew and my girls to Chuck E. Cheese. I couldn't resist buying these cups with the CEC mouth on them. They looked hilarious with them on. This is Alayna with hers.

Here is Tallynna with hers. I think it fits her chunky face.

This is Brianna and Diego with theirs. They had a blast with them.

So, back home now and I decided to take some pictures of the "Monkey Chow" baggies I made for the goodie bags.

These are the finished goodie bags which I apparently forgot to load up completely...

Party Hats!

My silly sister-in-law. I love her.

My son decided to be a little boy and play in the dirt while he was waiting for his party to start. This one is him saying, "Cheeeeeeeeezzzzeee!!"

I'm surprised he wasn't eating the dirt. Sometimes you gotta let them play and get dirty, ya know?

Now, the party has started. This is the t-shirt I made for him. Next time, I will buy a more expensive iron on package. This one transferred in a plastic material and just didn't work with a "wife beater."

It was time to open his gifts. The first gift he opened, everyone screamed, "YAAAAY!" He ate that up. So every time he opened something, he held it up so that everyone could yell YAY! He just loved seeing everyone's reaction. His nina kept the momentum going when it started to die down.

One more picture of his many times of holding his gifts up in the air. I have this in a 10 second video and will post that as soon as I get it loaded onto my computer.

Then it was cake time. My mom makes the greatest tasting and cutest cakes EVER!! She always has. So she made a cake and flavored it banana, which was a hit with the kids. My dad crafted up this cool cupcake stand out of PVC pipe and cardboard. It was awesome!

This was the birthday boy's cake. He didn't actually eat it but mom would not make a birthday cake unless she can write "Happy Birthday" on it.

Tio Junior set him all up with his party hat, banana wrapped in his arm, and candles lit. We were singing "Happy Birthday" and he wanted to blow out the candles already. Junior had to cover his mouth so that he didn't blow them out early.

He made his wish!!

Here he is, enjoying his cupcake!

After presents, cake, and a few chips, this is where he settled. On the couch with his new toy. He LOVES this thing and he plays with it all the time!

Thank you to all who came out and swam and ate! Without you all, my little monkey wouldn't have had such a fun day!!

Brianna's 8 today!

2009-08-22T08:29:00.000-07:00

8 years ago today, my Brianna Linda was born. Here's the story about the day she graced the world with her presence.

She was due on August 21st but decided to wait another day. Dr. Lippard was my OB/GYN and he was sure it would be a boy (no ultrasound of course) and that he would be 8lbs and 5 ozs. I had my last appointment in the morning on August 22nd, 2001 and the doctor says, “You’re leaking.” Um…………ok, what the hell does that mean?! This is my first child and I don’t know if that’s good or bad. He takes out this little test strip and shows it to me that it’s blue and says we are having a baby today. He told Juan and I to go right to the hospital and that he would be there later. So, off we went.

I wasn’t having any contractions or pain or anything so it seemed like cake to me. We were in the car and Juan turns to me and asks if it would be ok if we stopped for something to eat. (This story will seem very similar when I write about my son's birthday tomorrow!) I said, “Sure! No problem!” We stopped at Jack-in-the-box and he got something and we sat in the car while he ate. I didn’t want to eat anything because I have heard lots of horror stories of women throwing up during labor. We got to the hospital at about noon and got admitted and I was finally in a bed at 12:35ish. Still no contractions. No pain. No nothing. I was great. A doctor came in a broke my water some time around 1pm. By 2:30, still no contractions or anything. The nurse came in and started an IV with the medication that starts labor at around 3pm and had to increase it slowly every 45 minutes to an hour because it just wasn’t working. Right around 6pm is when I really started to feel it and asked for an epideral. That was the weirdest feeling ever! I almost tossed my cookies when I felt that needle go into my back. My mom and mother-in-law were there to help hold me up while they did that and, boy, am I glad they did! It took just a few minutes for that to set in and then I was great again. I felt nothing! A little after 7pm, the nurse came in to check how far dialated I was and she said I was ready to have my baby. I still couldn’t feel anything. I was watching Family Guy and I was good. I had the “crew” there which consisted of Juan, my mom, his mom, my dad and I think, my sister. I can’t remember if she stayed or not.

I think the doctor got there around 7:15 and got me ready, explained what I would need to do (tell the “crew” when I was having a contraction so I could push and they can help), and off we went. I had my first contraction and I pushed. Between the first and second push there were dolphins on Family Guy and I said, “Oooh, look! Dolphins!” Everyone started laughing. Then came the next one. I pushed. He said that the head was coming out. Between the second and third contraction there were some UGLY shoes on the screen and this time I didn’t say anything but I made an ugly face. “The Crew” thought I was having another contraction and got me all ready to go…I told them, “No, it was the shoes on TV.” Then the 3rd push happened at 7:35pm and we had an 8lb 1oz baby girl!! The doctor said, “It’s a girl!” Juan was so happy, my parents were happy, and his mom was happy. I was super surprised because we decided not to find out the sex of the baby. I wanted a girl so I could dress her up and do her hair and all the stuff you dream about with your baby dolls when you are little. Unfortunately, she didn’t have any hair until she was almost 2. I actually had to correct A LOT of people when they would say, “Awww, he’s so cute!”

Anyway, she looked just like her father when he was born and she was beautiful. I told the doctor that the other 4 ounces must have fallen off with body part she was missing. He laughed. My dad took off to go get me dinner since I hadn’t eaten all day. He got me a steak and baked potato from Bill Johnson’s or Sizzler or someplace like that.

And the journey continues.

Brianna is smart, pretty, funny, a brat, emotional and all the things anyone could ask for (or not ask for) in a little girl. She helps out around the house when she feels like it, she loves to get into things, she likes to dig in mommy’s jewelry drawer, she's creative and she asks lots of questions. She can read like no one's business and she actually loves to read just like I did. I just can’t believe it’s been 8 years already. Time flies when you’re having fun!!

Me and My Dad

2009-08-16T20:57:00.000-07:00

I remember reading a book with this name when I was little but that's not what this post is about. I want to talk about my dad, daddy, pops, daddy-o, etc.

This last weekend, my dad and I worked on his car. His truck has been at Mark & Stacey's for a week waiting on a new intake manifold. The car started overheating and gushing water out of it over this last week too so he ended up renting a car for the week. I originally took 4 days off of work so I could work on my son's birthday party next weekend but so went that...

I got to my parent's house on Friday morning around 9am and we got started. First, we looked for the leak and I immediately found it. I thought it was the water pump with a hold in it and that would be pretty simple to replace. So we commenced dismantling the car so we could get to the water pump. When we got there, I noticed that the hole was not in the water pump rather in the timing chain cover. My dad immediately went for the phone to get prices on the replacement part. He called Napa where they said they had it for 49 bucks. We took off to Napa to get it. Needless to say, that was the wrong part. They did have the right part but it was $122 instead. We bought it. We had to.

My dad bought my mom and I lunch from Rito's Burritos. They have one of the best green chile burritos I have ever had. We ate and then I went back out to tear the rest of this thing apart. We had to remove all kinds of brackets, the alternator, power steering pump, water pump, and harmonic balancer to get to the timing chain cover. It took me until about 6pm to get it all apart. I called it a night.

Next morning, I headed over around 8:30am and got started on putting it back together and with my dad's help, got the water pump and timing chain reinstalled and had to leave at 1pm so I could get ready for a birthday party.

On Sunday, I didn't get up for church but headed over to their house around 12pm. We got the rest of the car put back together with almost all new parts and were done at 5pm. So, I know I said this was about me and my dad and it really is because during this whole process, I had some things re-confirmed and learned some things about my dad:

He's getting old and has old people skin now.

He's just as particular as when I used to hold the drop light for him as a kiddo.

Time is short and I need to spend as much with him as possible.

He doesn't have a steady hand anymore.

My brothers and sister are missing out.

He can't take the heat anymore.

The ladies at Checker still love him.

He loves his grandkids...all of them!

His dog is old and prolly won't be around too much longer but he still makes her get out of his way.

I love the time I was able to spend with my daddy this weekend. I just wish it wasn't so hot and that I didn't have other things to do. He was able to return his rental car today and was also able to drive his piece of crap Lincoln. I love my dad even though he can be a pain in the ass sometimes!

Be At Peace

2009-08-15T21:07:00.000-07:00

I don't know really why I thought of this poem and decided to post it other than it just came to mind and some people may need to see it at this moment. There is actually a very personal story on how I came across this poem a long time ago that I may share some day. I have this posted at my desk. Enjoy!

Be At Peace

Do not look forward in fear to the changes of life;

Rather look to them with full hope that as they arise,

God, whose very own you are, will lead you safely

through all things;

And when you cannot stand it, God will carry you

in His arms.

Do not fear what may happen tomorrow;

The same everlasting Father who cares for you today

will take care of you today and every day.

He will either shield you from suffering or will give you

unfailing strength to bear it.

Be at peace and put aside all anxious thoughts and

imaginations.

~St. Francis of Sales

Bath Time

2009-08-05T20:36:00.000-07:00

My son is the funniest when he is taking a bath so I thought I would share. When I start the water filling in the tub and as soon as he hears the water, he runs into the bathroom and says, "Mama, ba?" He waits and waits until it's filled up all the while putting his hands in and realizing that he's really gonna take a bath. He gets more and more excited as the tub fills. Then we take off his clothes and diaper and he climbs in. He used to have me pick him up and put him in the tub but now he just holds my hand and climbs in on his own. He is growing up so fast!

While I am getting his hair wet with a cup, he holds his head forward like he won't get his face wet if he does. Then I wash his hair. He stands up so I can wash the rest of him and he waits patiently while I do that but I can just see the anticipation in his face that he's gonna get to play some more. Then I rinse him off and unplug the drain. He has all the time it takes for the tub to empty to play. He gets the cup and fills it up with water and then throws his Grover toy into the water and cracks up laughing. Strange kid. Then he will cram his hand into the cup because the water will splash out of the cup and he cracks up again. He does this over and over until there is no more water to put in the bathtub. Then he looks at me and says, "Oh NO!" Then he gets out and gets wrapped in a towel. He HAS to be able to turn the light off in the bathroom and he even says, "Off" as he is turning it off. Then I go in my room with him and we sit on the floor. He gets as close to me as possible and curls up under the towel while I am holding him and he closes his eyes. He sits there like that as long as he wants to. Sometimes that's 2 minutes, sometimes it's 10 minutes. When he's done cuddling with me, he pushes his arms out and lays down on the floor. I get his diaper on him and start with the lotion. I put the lotion on his tummy and he gets some and tastes it. While he has his hand in his mouth, he says, "Lotion?" And he keeps this up until I am done with the lotion. I get him dressed and then he takes off into the living room to say good night to his daddy. He gets me his cup and I fill it with milk and he goes to lay down. I have to fix his pillow, give him a kiss or 3, put his blanket on him, then put his elephant in his arm for him. Then he makes this adorable little sigh and he says, "Nigh, nigh mama." He's adorable and I love our little bath/bed time ritual. I love him so much and am so grateful for my children.

My Journey Today (Sunday)

2009-07-19T20:14:00.000-07:00

This morning I was awakened by my almost 2 year old son at 3am crying. Juan wasn't home yet. (Another whole story that I don't feel like telling.) So I brought him into my room to lay down with me. He tossed around for about an hour and finally fell back to sleep. Then around 7:45am, he woke me up with a tap on my arm and his cute little "MAAAMMMAAAAA!" It was later than my usual time to get up to get ready for church but I decided to get ready and go anyway. I am really glad I went because our new priest Father McCaffrey told us about his work and how that relates to TACOS. Teach, Absolve, Console, & Offer Sacrifice. He told us that just yesterday he had to console a family that had their 24 year old daughter killed by a drunk driver. He talked about her sister that said she was very angry and didn't know if she could get past it. He told us what he told her and that was that she could either forgive and begin healing or she could not forgive and let that control her every move. If she decided to forgive, the healing may take weeks, months, or even years. That story meant a lot to me, especially today.

I made a last minute decision to take off and spend the day all by myself. I needed to think and clear my head and spend some time with nature. I wanted to go to Prescott to see if I could find my favorite perfume again since the store moved and I can't remember where they moved. So I packed a change of clothes and my laptop in case I took too many pictures and needed to download any of them. My camera is always in my purse. Off I went.

My first stop was to Del Taco in Anthem. I love Del Taco because I can get a chicken burrito, french fries AND a cherry coke all in the same place. I stopped under a tree and ate my lunch and then I was on my way again. I drove until I got to Prescott and just into the city limits, I stopped on the side of the road to take some pictures of the clouds. They were the big fluffy ones that I love!

Then, I drove down to Gurley St. This is the main shopping area in Prescott. There are TONS of shops there and on Sundays, they do a sort of swap meet on the Courthouse lawn. So I decided to park and go look for my place. It's called Aromaworks. They have this perfume there called Kimono Rose and I have never found it anywhere other than in Prescott and in Atlanta at the hotel I stayed in when I was there for work. Now I have lost my store... I didn't find it.

I went over to the swap meet and looked around. The wind was picking up and it seemed like it might rain. I looked around. There was some pretty cool stuff there. Lots of Native American things. Pretty neat.

The picture below is one that I took of the courthouse through the trees. This is one of my favorite places in Prescott because of all the trees.

I continued to take pictures as I walked through the "shops." This one is just a shot from the ground looking up at the clouds through the trees.

Here is a wall fountain that one of the vendors there sold. I thought of my father-in-law when I saw them.

It started to rain so I took cover under some trees. I rained for about 30 minutes and I just stayed under the trees to stay as dry as possible. I saw this Bible in the middle of the grass on a linen. It was getting wet and there was no one around it. I would have gotten this shot from the other side but I didn't want to get my camera wet...

Then I decided to leave since the rain had stopped. I have wanted to see the movie "Public Enemies" since it came out and I saw a theatre sign on my way to the shops. I followed the signs up a winding road and at each turn there was a new sign that said Theatre and had an arrow saying which way to go. I thought for a few moments that maybe there wasn't really one up there but I continued to follow the signs. Low and behold! There was a theatre! I think it had 5 movies. Public Enemies was one of them. It was 2PM and it started at 2:30. YAY!!! I have never went to the movies by myself but since I had some time and have tried to go see it with people before with no success, I bought my ticket and some popcorn and a drink. The movie was good. I know a lot more about John Dillinger than this movie showed but it was still good. The movie was over at about 4:45 and it was raining again so I decided to start making my way home. I had thought about spending the night there but Juan had to work the next day so I headed home. There were a couple of things that I had seen on the drive in that I wanted to take pictures of so I kept my eyes peeled for them on the way out.

Here are some cars that have been here for a LONG time. The sign on the way into this car graveyard says, "No Parts, Not for sale, Not a yard to leave your junk in. It's the future home of the Mayer Historical Car Museum" or something like that. The gate was open so I went in.

Then I left there and headed back down the 69. On the way in, there was a line of mailboxes and nothing else in sight. I looked for those again. I found them. I'm sure the people that were driving by thought I was bonkers, but oh well!! I thought they looked neat.

I got home around 6:45 or so. I had a nice day. I laughed, took pictures, cried, watched people, watched a movie, and got to do a few of my favorite things. All in all, a good day.

I didn't know!!!

2009-07-19T01:44:00.000-07:00

I didn't know that the toddler came in the diaper box!! I better check the label next time.

Dinner Guest

2009-07-11T23:37:00.001-07:00

Macaroni and Cheese: $1.50

Time Spent preparing: 15 minutes

An unexpected dinner guest: Priceless

Here is our doggie, Roscoe, peeking into the window this evening with his glowing eyes while we were eating dinner. He just wanted a bite!

Oh and don't look at the handprints on the window or my 9 month old blue painter's tape at the bottom of the window. (I haven't finished painting yet!!)

Down for the Count

2009-07-11T23:32:00.000-07:00

This is Juanito asleep at the table after barely eating anything. He really wasn't feeling good after all the throwing up and coughing he had been doing all week. He was eating mini corn dogs and we were on the couch and after a short time, we noticed he wasn't making too much noise. We went to check on him and here he was, out cold.

He loves his sissies!

2009-07-11T23:22:00.000-07:00

The other morning when I was getting ready for work, I heard Juanito escaping from his room. He hadn't been feeling all that great so he wasn't sleeping very well. So, I went to see what he was doing and to make sure he was ok. I went up to him and in his cute little "I'm learning how to talk" voice he says, "Hi Mama!" I knew he still didn't feel good but he always greets me that way no matter how he feels. I held him for a few minutes and then put him down so I could go and get him a sippy cup with milk. Usually, he will follow me to the fridge but this time he didn't. When I went back to the rooms with his milk, this is what I found:

This is all 3 of my kids in one bed with all kinds of stuffed animals and blankets. He saw that Ni Hao Ki Lan was on in Brianna's room and he decided he wanted to lay down with them and watch it. Brianna is under the Not-shiny pink blanket. He is laying on Tallynna. I am so glad that my son loves his older sisters...right now. I'm sure some day that will change but for now, I love it!!

Monsoon Clouds

2009-07-11T22:55:00.001-07:00

My father-in-law always tells me, "Clouds are boring" because I always take pictures of the clouds. I love to look at clouds and my favorite ones are the monsoon clouds we get here in Phoenix. Here are some of my recent "boring" cloud pictures. I hope you like them!

The ones that have the rays coming out are my absolute favorite! I have been told that this is supposed to be people's souls ascending into heaven.

This one is a reflection in the window of my bank.

I was leaving Wal-Mart when I saw this one.

This big cloud was peaking over the mountain by my house.

This one just turned out pretty cool.

I get a nice refreshing gift a lot of times when I walk out of the building at work. That structure is our parking garage at work. I'm sure some of the people I work with thought I was a loon!

This is the same place and time just a zoomed in shot.

I hope you liked them as much at I liked taking them!

Better Late than Never

2009-07-08T21:05:00.000-07:00

A couple of weeks ago, the kids and I went with my sister in law and her kiddos to the movies and then to the water park for a picnic and some water fun. I took lots of pictures and thought I would share some.

This is my son being his happy little self, running for the camera. He didn't spend any time in the water, in fact, I don't think he even got a drop of water on him.

My neice Arielle. She's such a cutie....when she isn't screaming.

Tough Guy.

He was actually mad at me because I wouldn't let him make a mess with the bubbles.

This was our little friend. I guess the sign says "Do not feed the ducks."

I can't read.

Tallynna and Juanito sitting in a puddle. Maybe he got a little wet...

This is where he spent most of his time. He was trying to get the ducks to come over to him so he could pet them. Fat chance!

And the day would not be complete if we didn't have the Princess posing for the camera.

I love his feet!

This little guy came over to play with Juanito when he saw him calling for the ducks. The boys started to eat dirt together...must be some kind of 2 year old ritual.

My, my, my Arielle! How you have changed. We better tell your momma to stop feeding you bird food.

Michelle and her little mermaid.

Yes, Michelle, water is wet. Sorry to disappoint you.

She's not a bird anymore. She's after the lunchables!

We had a fun day until I had to leave so that I could get on a conference call for work. The kids enjoyed the movie and the picnic at the park. I am grateful for Michelle because she thinks of all these great things to do for not a lot of money.

Gotta Get the Word Out!

2009-06-11T20:24:00.000-07:00

I want to share with you all (all 3 of you that follow me) a new song I heard. I love it. I love it. I love it!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qg91SYlCZtc

My Day

2009-05-11T20:24:00.000-07:00

Ahhh, Mother's Day, My Day, Mom's Day, Mama's Day, or whatever you call it. Mine was fabulous and here's the story:

Saturday afternoon, Juan calls me into the living room and says, "Sit down, I need to talk to you." This caught me off guard because this is usually a statement that I make to him, he rolls his eyes wondering, "What did I do this time?!" and then we talk. So I sit down, ready for him to break the news to me (whatever he had to talk to me about) and he tells me, "I feel like a flake. I didn't do anything for you for Mother's Day. I don't have a gift or a card or anything for you." I was totally ok with that and I told him that it was fine. It's not about gifts or things like that, it is about recognizing all that moms do and sacrifice when they become moms. He went on to say that he was thinking of going to church on Sunday and then taking off after that and driving up to Prescott to have lunch at this little spot called Zeke's Eatin' Place. They have this turkey sandwich there that is to die for! It has turkey, bacon, green chiles, and pepperjack cheese on a cheesy toasted bread. Anyway, of course, I said it was a great idea. Then, I told him we should invite our parents to go with us. So he called our parents and they said it was a great idea too!

Sunday morning came and I was SOOOOO excited! I could hardly wait to get there and have my favorite turkey sandwich. We even invited Michelle and Jr and their kids to come with us. They couldn't go unfortunately. I got ready for church and got the kids ready and we went to church. After church, Juan called his mom and she said she wasn't feeling well and they weren't gonna go. That kinda sucked because it would have been fun with them there too. So, I told my dad after church, "I was thinking last night that you and mom can take my car up since the truck doesn't have air conditioning right now." He said that he had planned on driving the car since it has a little bit of air and that he would run with the windows down...blah blah blah...He had a plan as usual and this time I threw a stick in his spokes, so to speak. He asked my mom if she wanted to take my car and as they always have done since I was a kid, they got into this "doesn't matter to me, well it doesn't matter to me...." thing. So I said, "My air is better, you will be more comfortable." And they took my car. We got on the road around noon. Here are some of the pictures I took while we were out.

This is the place! As you can see, it's a very old country type of diner feel. It has old tools, cow heads, pictures of John Wayne, and other stuff on the walls and shelves.

This was the cup holder in the truck just before we left. Juan said, "Look, more bars." LOL!

This is my mom with my son. This was actually after we got done eating...It's in the wrong order, but oh well!

The toy that they gave the kids for their wait were these little wax sticks that you can shape into whatever you want. Kinda like bend-a-roos.) They had lots of fun with them. They made glasses, people, and hearts with arrows through them. They were fun!

This is Brianna sporting her new glasses!

Here is Tallynna with her heart on a stick. She was proud of herself that she could make it stand up on it's own.

Grandma and her grandkids, or at least 2 of them. You can see the heart on her shirt that one of the girls made. They look SO much like her!

We got there an hour before closing time so it was about 2pm that they started cleaning up. This girl had a vacuum on her back. Juan said, "Hey look baby! You need one of those!" Needless to say, he got smacked! Punk!

But I love him!

We had just left Zeke's and I was looking for things to shoot pictures of...

And there I was in the mirror. I couldn't resist.

When we left Phoenix, we went up the I-17. When we left Prescott, we went down the 89. It's the curvy, back-way, back to Phoenix through Wickenburg. I was going to drive but I decided that I wanted to be the passenger in case there was anything I wanted to take pictures of. I haven't quite learned how to drive, text, and take pictures all while drinking a bottle of water yet.

Coming down the winding road was fun. Dad smoked us on the way down...Juan is and always will be a cruiser. We got into this little town called Yarnell and we stopped at this beautiful place called the Shrine of St. Joseph. It was very quiet and had trees everywhere with these gigantic rocks. There is a register and a donation slot when you first go in and then an informational plaque that tells you all about the Shrine and how it is maintained entirely by volunteers. The following are only some of the pictures I took while I was there. This was one of the prettiest places I have been.

This is the Last Supper. Jesus is there with the bread, getting ready to tell his disciples to take the bread in remembrance of Him as this is His body that will be given up for us.

I saw this one first and I was amazed at how beautiful it was.

This is a statue of St. Joseph. It is actually the first one you see when you get into the gates.

This is Jesus praying. This is just a picture of the front half of the statue. He is on His knees and it is a full statue.

As you walk up the steps, it takes you through the 14 stations of the cross. They are all placed in different elevations and you have to walk up steps and wind through them. Each one is a cross and they have a ceramic sculpture right in the middle and then a plaque explaining the station and what happened to Jesus in the last few days of his life.

As you get closer to the end, there is a small sign that looks like a rock with the word "Crucifixion" chiseled out of it and it points you in a direction. After a series of steps, you get to this. It is absolutely breath-taking! It really puts the word sacrifice into perspective. It is life sized and raised up and hidden away behind the trees. I was just speechless when I came to this. I have seen a lot of renditions of Jesus on the cross, but for some reason this one really drove it home. It was amazing!

I noticed that this is the only one of these that you can't just pass. You HAVE to come back down the steps from it.

Then you turn to come back down the steps. This is the next image you see. This is Mary holding her son after he was taken down from the cross. This one spoke volumes to me especially on this day. I read something on Mother's Day morning about a mom's sacrifice for her children. We put aside our own goals and wants for the better of our children. We work our hardest to make sure our children have it better than we did. We get our feelings hurt by the words and actions of our children and yet still love them unconditionally. They could have lied to us, used us, robbed our home until it was completely empty, and done everything short of killing us and they are still our babies. We love them. We give up our sleep to make sure they are sleeping, we make sure they eat before us so they have enough, we may work 2 jobs to make sure they have a roof over their heads. We love them. In this image, I see a mom that gave the ultimate sacrifice, not for her own good, nor the good of her son but for the good of all mankind. Honestly, I don't know if I would ever be willing or have the strength to sacrifice that much.

So that was that. It was a nice time to reflect and see some beautiful renditions of the sacrifice He made for us.

When we were done, I told my mom that I wish she could have gone up there. My pictures are good but they don't do it justice. I will be sending her my pictures so she can see them at least. Juan had the girls with him and he read each of the stations to them. They go to church with us but they don't always get to ask questions right on the spot, so it was good for them as well.

This is a little pond right out in the front that has fish and lily pads in it. They kids were very interested in the fish. Juanito was putting his hand in the water and tasting it. EWW!

On our way back, we stopped at his mom's house since they weren't able to go. She had just woke up. We stayed there for a little while, ate some ice pops with my nieces and nephew and then headed home.

That was my Mother's Day. I couldn't have had anything better!

Since the pool isn't ready just yet...

2009-05-09T18:17:00.001-07:00

Today, when I woke up, the pool wasn't clear yet. The girls and I went to the pool store to have the water checked again. I have to add more chemicals so.........no swimming today.

BUMMER!!

When we got home, the girls asked if they could go outside and play in the water. I agreed and they even took their brother out with them. While they were out there, I was hiding out in the living room snapping photos of them. Here they are. Enjoy!

Brianna was, of course, in charge of the hose

Tallynna was showing Juanito he could splash in the base of the basketball hoop.

Juanito figured it out.

He found me! And of course he said, "Cheeeeze!"

Brianna decided that he needed to be in his little car...

So she put him in there.

He wasn't having that!

He took off after an orange he found. He was so cold, he was shivering. But he still stopped to say, "Cheeeeeeze!" If you look close enough, you can see his blue lips.

Today, like back in the old days, Tonka Truck = Bathtub.

Mom discovered that Cheese balls miraculously cure the shivers.

And........................IT'S GONE!

And.....................It was yummy too!

Just a wife

2009-05-03T11:38:00.001-07:00

For a long time, I'm talking about YEARS, I have been trying to figure out why my husband (and boyfriend when he was that) doesn't invite me to go anywhere with him. He goes to his friends' houses to watch boxing, I LOVE BOXING, and he doesn't even think to say, "Hey you wanna go?" He goes to the park to play basketball and he doesn't even ask if I want to go and maybe play with the kids. He goes out to the bar or club and doesn't ask me if I want to go. Instead, the question is always, "You mind if I go?" I'm not his mom and so I always say it's fine for him to go and I am not one of those bitchy, fucked up women that doesn't trust him or wants to know his every move. So he goes. I don't call or text while he is out. I don't bug him at all, even when it's 4:30AM and he's still not home. I know he is out there getting drunk and high.

And believe me when I say that I have told him how I feel about this. And not once has he EVER said , "You know, I'm gonna stay home instead." The way I would hear that sentence would be, "You and our children are more important than getting drunk, smoking weed and hanging with the boys."

It has been like this since before we even had children so he can't use the babysitter excuse even though he likes to.

So last night, there was a gathering at my bosses house. There was a large number of people there that I work with. We were invited and she even let me get off early to be able to go. Juan got home with the kids at a little after 3. He wanted to take a nap even though he said the baby needed the nap. So he slept until 5pm and the party started at 4pm. So we went. We were 2 and a half hours late. Her house isn't a huge house or with a huge yard, but there were a LOT of people there. The first comment that came out of Juan's mouth was, "Too many white people in one spot. This isn't my kind of party. These aren't my type of people." I told him that maybe if he would interact with some of them, he might like them. He chose not to.

There was a boxing match on pay-per-view last night too. He told me that he wasn't going to the gathering if they weren't having the fight. So I asked her if they were going to have it and she said they were. So, for most of the night, Juan followed the baby around. For the entire time we were there and up until we went to bed, he was on his phone texting his friends. He did interact with a few of the people there but I'm sure that was because he was bored. At around 7:30 he told me he was going to the bar to watch the fight if they didn't put it on soon. So, I asked my boss if they had ordered it and she had her husband come out and put it on. For the next hour, he was in front of the TV that was outside. I was sitting with some of the people that worked with me and I had the baby. Then when those people left for the night, I was sitting all by myself with my son, still able to see Pacquiao beat up Hatton. He was now sitting inside. Why couldn't he sit with me?

The fight was over in the 2nd round. He came out and finally sat next to me. He was there for maybe 10 minutes. Then we decided to leave since the baby was asleep. So, he grabbed the baby and took him to the truck. I went to get the girls and have them tell Tammy and Jason bye. Juan came back in and told them bye and we left. While we were driving, I told Juan that Jason had stopped me and we were formally introduced. He immediately said, "I didn't like that guy, he kept giving me dirty looks. He must have thought I was just another Mexican in his house." I asked him if he bothered to introduce himself and he said, "Nope. I didn't want to introduce myself to him." So I apologized for even bringing him. I told him it would never happen again. I felt so stupid and worthless because I can't bring him anywhere he will have fun. He doesn't like to go to my parents house, he probably doesn't even want to go to church on Sundays.

So, last night I figured it out. I used to call Juan my best friend and I could talk to him about everything. Now, Stacey is my best friend and I don't talk to Juan about anything that isn't about the kids and even then, it isn't everything about them. When I come home from work and he asks about my day, he doesn't really want to know about it, he's just trying to be nice.

He sat there last night, having conversations with his friends and I was right there. I am not his friend, I guess. He text messages Tina more than he even speaks with me. He always told me that I would never be happy. Maybe I should have listened and not gone through with the wedding. I am not happy.

I am just his wife and no longer his friend.

I do everything with the exception of getting the kids ready to go in the morning and taking out the trash. I work. I cook dinner. I bathe the baby. I clean. I pay the bills. I work on the pool. I take care of the house. It's all me. And some women are ok with that. I'm not.

I wanted a partner to live life with and instead I have a husband.

Maybe I am just in a bad mood, but it seems to be the same thing over and over again. So I am stuck, not sure knowing what to do.

Something wrong?

2009-04-28T20:30:00.000-07:00

There is something terribly wrong with this picture. I purchased the bottle on the right when I was traveling to Atlanta on business a few years ago. I bought the other bottle about a week ago. So how much is 3 ounces? The funniest part to me is that they are made by the same company and they are clearly different sizes.

Another one on Impact

2009-04-25T21:55:00.000-07:00

Recently, I have started working every other Saturday and today was my Saturday to work. So I'm sitting there and I get an email from one of the reps that used to report to me in Technical Support. Other than the occasional "Hey, how's it goin?" on instant messenger, I haven't really talked to her since she reported to me. She was inviting me to her graduation at ASU in mid-May.

Rewind the time to about 3 years ago. I had a girl named LaDonna and another girl named Amanda on my team. Both of them were going to school and each semester, their classes would change and thus the days and times of the classes would change. I would need to work their schedules around their school schedules and then change them back when school let out. It really wasn't hard work. It was only a matter of checking with them to see what their new schedules would be and then making sure we could accommodate them. 99% of the time I could make it work for them. So this went on for quite some time until I chose to take on a new team. This was every day work for me and didn't seem to impact anyone too seriously.

Now fast forward back to today. The message I got said, "I'm graduating! I couldn't have done it without you supporting me and I want you to come and see what you helped me do." My heart filled so fast and I was so proud of her (LaDonna) and it took everything I had not to pour out the tears. I said, "I will be there!" I honestly felt very honored to be invited. I have really only been to graduations for family.

Then, it wasn't but 2 hours later, I got a text message from Amanda. She said, "Hey Jen, I was wondering if you would want to come to my graduation on May 14th." I asked her where it was and she said at ASU West. I let her know that I would already be there for LaDonna's graduation but I wouldn't miss it for the world. She then said, "I couldn't have done it without you helping me with my schedule and understanding how important my education was to me." Again, I was full of emotions and so proud of her.

Whodathunkit!? Just by doing something that seemed so little, these 2 women are graduating with their BA degrees from ASU. For those of you that haven't read "How Full is Your Bucket?" maybe this one can describe the feeling....My cup runneth over.

I will post some pictures of the graduation when that day comes.

Clouds and Flowers

2009-04-20T10:32:00.000-07:00

I like to take pictures of nature stuff. Clouds are my favorite. Here are some that I have taken over the last week or so. I will edit some of them when I figure out how to use this new program I have. Enjoy!

This one was over head at the Diamondbacks game I went to with my parents and boss last week.

These are flowers in California at Laguna Beach. I LOVE Daisies and I thought this was a really cool shot.

More Daisies at the beach.

This was a shot out the window on the drive to the beach. Another cool shot for me.

Another shot of the clouds at the D-Backs game. I got the wire in this one.

This one is the only flower on the bush in front of my house. I think it's pretty.

Laguna Beach 2009

2009-04-20T10:03:00.000-07:00

We went to California this last weekend to go to Knott's Berry Farm. My Father-in-law puts his Mustang in the Fabulous Fords Forever Carshow there. Juan and I decided to take off a day earlier than everyone else so that we could try and catch a Dodger game and also to make sure we have our spot on the floor since there were about 25 people in one house! We ended up not being able to get tickets to the game so we took the monsters to the beach where Nichole and Loyiel were married a few years ago. It was Juan and I and our kids + Paula and Nichole and Loyiel and their son + their nephew Noe.

Thanks to Nichole, we have this loving shot. This was before we actually went down to the beach. It was a beautiful day!

This is Juanito posing for the camera, he loved the beach, eating sand (and I'm not talking about just tasting it!), and playing with beach toys. In this pose, he is saying, "Cheeeeeeeeeeeese!"

Here is Tallynna playing with sand. At times, she felt like she was being left out by Paula and Brianna. She had lots of fun though.

THIS IS MY FAVORITE PICTURE! It says so much to me. These are my men. Juanito didn't like the cold water too much but he loved being on the beach collecting shells.

In this one, he is deciding whether he wants to walk back down to the water or not.

Tallynna, Paula, and Brianna are holding on to the railing before we head down to the water.

We had a lot of fun, I got burnt, and then my batteries ran out on my camera...so no more pictures until the next day. :o( Nichole took some really cute ones that she will be sending to me and I will post them when I get them.

Another Friend

2009-04-20T09:54:00.000-07:00

Much like my previous post, I had another little friend on my car when we returned from California last night. I don't know what it is about bugs and my car but they like to hang out there for some reason. Anywho, I didn't bother this one at all, I just took a picture and left him alone. I do like how his reflection came out in the picture too.

A Friend

2009-04-08T20:35:00.001-07:00

This is a picture of a little friend I found on my car last night when I got home from the game. Now, I don't usually take pictures of spiders but this one was absolutely beautiful. I also don't kill spiders normally unless they are black widows but this one was on my car and if I had opened the door, he could have gotten in and bit one of my kids.

Poor little guy...had his last photo shoot on the side of a Pontiac. He could have gone down with more dignity on a Chevy or no dignity on a Ford. His photographer would have had to photo-shopped him a leg anyway.

Team Building

2009-04-08T18:45:00.000-07:00

Last night, the new team I work with, went on a team builder to the Diamondbacks game. The pictures are all out of order because I have never posted more than one picture at a time and I couldn't get it to work right for me.

I must say that I work with a very humorous, fun, great bunch of leaders and I am happy to be a part of DART. (DART= Disconnect and Recovery Team aka. Collections)

This is what we labeled as "the iDART bitch-slap." Tyler did not hit Marcia but if he had G would have still been there just watching.

Shawn was "pushing" for us to bring home all the food that was left there.

Wes has a little problem with trying to kiss the guys...you will see what I mean further down in the post.

Robert tried to dodge my taking a picture of him. He looks like he is dancing with a sucker in his mouth.

For those of us that missed the peanut wars, this one was stuck in Sean's shirt. Kasi is trying to "pop" it like a pimple.

This is Shawn pointing out the peanut pelt marks on Sean's shirt. And I will have you know that I didn't throw a single peanut until Shawn blamed it on me, then it was ON!

"Cause it's one, two, three strikes you're out!" BTW-Tammy is not drunk in this picture.

The famous question of the night, "Who are these guys?!" We found out that one of them works in Network Ops and the other was his friend. We welcomed them by throwing peanuts at them.

This was the lady that kept the alcohol coming! She was our "HERO!!"

Looks like Sean trying to make another point and Shawn isn't having it...

"No, Wes! This isn't a fruity girly drink. It's red beer...you know, for Easter."

Everytime I tried to catch Marcia, she looked at the camera and smiled...She just knew when I was getting ready to shoot.

What a commercial for Michelob Ultra beer...Look how happy Marcia is to take a picture with the beer.

There she is again, smiling as usual.

And once again...

Who knows why I took this one? I sure don't.

This is Shawn, Tammy, Andy, and Wes all eating and BSing.

And here is the evidence that Wes has an issue...

A few things...

2009-04-03T13:39:00.000-07:00

This picture says a few things:

My son needs another haircut.

He's ready to go to Grandma & Grandpa's.

Jack Black is crazy for being on Yo Gabba Gabba!

He loves football!

Have a good day!

Promises

2009-02-04T18:16:00.000-08:00

Our 2 year anniversary will be on March 31, 2009. I was looking for this and finally found it...

His vows to me (he actually wrote it)

As I stand here I have seen this day from afar.

Now we are here, hand in hand.

So beautiful you are.

Today our hearts glow as they have since we met.

Brighter and brighter they will shine as our time continues.

You've always cared for me like no other ever will.

God proving to me again, Love is the greatest gift of all.

I have my angel.

Thank you God.

I may start blogging some of the other stuff he has written for me over the years. I just thought I would share.

Dreams

2009-02-04T18:05:00.000-08:00

Today, I got an email from my new director about attending a charity event with our company. I read it a little and saw that it was for the NBA Cares organization and the event is to rebuild Holiday Park in west Phoenix. There will be some current and past NBA Stars there helping to build a new playground set and paint and clean up. So, I got really excited to be allowed to be a part of this so I sent Juan a text message to tell him. I remembered that he used to play basketball at that part ALOT since it was by his old house. He reminded me that a long time ago he vowed that he would rebuild that park if he ever made it "big." So even though he isn't "big" in his sense of the word, I told him to come and help us. Making it big doesn't always mean money. It could be community service and I am glad that I can help him live one of his dreams.

Challenge

2009-01-30T18:54:00.001-08:00

I am scared to death and excited at the same time!!

I have been in the same department at my job for almost 7 years and this last Wednesday, I accepted a new position in our Credit and Collections department as a team leader. All these emotions keep running wild in my head..."What will happen with my current team? Are they upset or disappointed with me? Who will lead them now? And will they be as good as I know I was to my guys? How will the department run? Will there be a new "strong leader?" Do I really want to do this?"

Yep, I do. I am being a bit selfish this year. It's about me and my development. If I want to move up, I have to move to another department to grow.

So, before I applied, I talked with my mentor, my boss, the hiring manager and her boss to make sure this was the right move. They even reopened the posting so I could apply. So on a Thursday night, I made sure I could submit my resume. It was the hardest thing I have had to do in a LONG time. I almost cried because I am so loyal to those silly customers who think their phone is the remote or that the microwave is the TV and why won't it "Start?" (You thought that wasn't real huh? Well it is!)

I prepped for my interview which came the following Monday and I nailed it! I was so proud of myself. I got a response from them by Wednesday that my 2nd interview was on the next Monday. I went to that one and didn't feel like I did so well but they asked me if I was available to meet with the department VP the next day. (Of course I was even though it was my day off) When I walked into his office he informed me that usually he has 2 candidates to decide from but this time I was the only one. No one else even got a 2nd interview. I don't know how I got out of his office with my head being so big.

I caught my department VP in the hall and she said she was so proud but sad at the same time. She shared with me something my director had said about me..."Kevin said that he was losing his strongest leader." She felt it very important for me to know that he said that. I'm glad she shared. It's nice to know that your director talks about you in this manner to your VP.

I got the call the next day that I was being offered the position and I accepted it. I signed the paper they sent me through email and it's all up hill from here for now. I already have been tasked with a few things from my new boss even though I don't officially start there until 2/9. I guess that's a good thing.

I will let you all know in a few months if I am kicking myself for taking this! I'm sure I will be but not in a really bad way.

Without my desire to be challenged, I wouldn't have this opportunity.

Five

2009-01-26T19:24:00.000-08:00

I'm down 5.4 pounds in 3 weeks!! All I can say is WHOOOPPPPEEEE!!!!

Eighty

2009-01-19T19:23:00.000-08:00

No, this is not the year I was born or the number of people I talked to today.

It's number of pounds I want to lose. I started Weight Watchers 2 weeks ago and am already down 3 pounds. YAY!!

I decided to write about this tonight because I have discovered that if other people don't know, I won't have anyone to hold me accountable for it. I am going there with my best friend Stacey; she helps me and I help her.

I'm not doing this for anyone but myself. I decided that this year, I need to be a little selfish and take care of myself for a change. I would hate to have something happen to me and then my kids and husband would be left to take care of themselves. My kids love Peanut Butter & Jelly, hot dogs and cereal but I just can't have them eating that all the time!

I have been paying for a gym membership and not going and I started that again tonight. Even if I just go to walk on the treadmill, it's better than nothing and I can focus on just that while I am there.

Pray for me.

Grateful

2009-01-13T18:06:00.000-08:00

Today, I took my oldest daughter to the eye doctor for her Strabismus (lazy eye). She sees a specialist because it is something that cannot be treated by a regular optometrist. The appointment was at 2:30pm and they get out of school at 2pm. So we rushed over there and sat down for a few minutes. I looked around the waiting room like most people do, watched my broken son play with another little boy, and remembered that a close friend of mine's daughter comes to the same doctor for her vision. My friend's daughter is a twin and she has a disorder that caused her bones not to grow right and a lot of her physical features didn't develop correctly. (Her dad says her brother took it all!) She is 4 years old and has had more than 30 surgeries. She is the most resilient little girl I have ever seen in my life.Then I remembered the other night when I was in the waiting room at the hospital. I AM SO LUCKY!!

I watched the ambulances pour in that night at the hospital and thought, "Man, if all I have is a broken arm or dislocated elbow, I can handle that." My child could have been that little boy that came in that had been mauled by a dog fighting for his life. He wasn't much older than my son. I could have been that mom who's daughter may have to have her leg amputated because she was in a car accident with her friend's parents. She was about the same age as my girls. I prayed and prayed and prayed some more.

Back to the eye doctor...I'm sitting there and a little girl in a wheelchair comes in with her mom and sits next to me. We start talking about our kids. Her daughter is 8 just like Tallynna and has never walked or spoken a word. She can only see 25% out of one of her eyes and the doctor is working on scheduling a surgery that will help her to have 50% in that eye and 25% in the other. While I was talking to the mom, she handled herself so well when she told me how lucky I was. Then she told me how lucky she is. It took every muscle in my face and neck to hold in the tears!

She said she wouldn't know half the things she does and she wouldn't have been as humble as she is now. She's a single mom. I told her I didn't know how she does it. She just said, "When you love something or someone this much, you find a way."

Tallynna was called back at that point and all I could say to her was, "Thank you!" She just smiled.

I am grateful for everything I have and don't have. There is always something worse and when I think it can't get any worse, I think about those that are worse off than me.